My motherhood journey - not what I expected!

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a good day. If you are not, I hope it gets better. If you having a really crappy day, then, I am truly sorry about that - I do hope that it gets better. When you start the journey of conceiving, you are excited. Each month, you wonder if this is the month where you will be pregnant. Six months go by and you start to wonder why it is not happening. But, you know that it can take up to a year to conceive, so you do not worry - yet. Soon enough, it's been one year and still no pregnancy. Why is it taking so long? What are doing that is not right? All of your friends and family members have all gotten pregnant this past year - and you are still waiting. Then, like in our case, you experience something that will completely change you forever. You miscarry. You fall apart. You go to the doctor. You are told that it happens and that you should keep trying. You do. It never happens again. Two and then three years go by and you start to ge...

Hello everyone, A little late in the day, but hoping that your day, so far, is going well. If you are not having a good day, I hope that it will get better. Hard days are not fun, but there is always hope for tomorrow. Hang in there! When one adopts, it can be very overwhelming and you will experience a range of emotions. You will also need to be very patient and very perseverant. If you are not patient or perseverant, sorry to burst your bubble, but you will have to be...or else you will not be able to get through all the hurdles that come with adopting. I always considered myself a patient person...and then we went through the adoption process. Turns out, I am not as patient as I thought I was. You will need patience because there will be a lot of waiting involved. You will need to wait to meet with an adoption agency. You will need to wait to meet with the lawyer. You will need to wait to be assigned to a social worker. You will need to wait, like in our case, to have a Gree...

Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you having a good day. If it is not a good day- I am having a mediocre one...- I hope it gets better. Many questions arise when you adopt. The most common ones are about the birthparents. Not only do you get asked a ton of questions - all very personal and none of their business - you also get faced with several assumptions. It is unfortunate that birthparents are given a bad wrap because unless you adopt and get to meet them, you have no way of knowing of being in a position to make such assumptions. The most common assumption I get is about their love for the child.  I can see how someone from the outside could perceive a birthmom as not loving their child when placing them with a family. However, I can assure that it is the farthest thing from the truth. Both our birth moms loved their babies. They were just in a very difficult adult situations and they were not able to take care of them. Instead, they not only chose life for thes...

Hello everyone, I hope when you read this, you are having a great day. If you are not, I am sorry about that and I hope that your day ends better than it started. Adoption is how most infertile couples get to become parents. Yet, adoption after infertility is not like applying a Band-Aid to an open wound. Infertility is an open wound that always stays open, no matter what. Therefore, it is very wrong and misleading to think that adoption CURES infertility, because it does not. And most importantly, your child or children you adopt are not a cure or solution to your infertility as well. I remember being at a coffee shop with a friend and she was shocked that I was still struggling with our infertility, even after having adopting our daughter. She was under the assumption, as most are, that when you adopt, it magically makes your infertility disappear. And nothing could be further from the truth. Although I am a mother of two living children, I am also the mother of a child that ...

Hello everyone, Hope all of you are having a good day, if not, I hope that it will get better. So, staying in the theme of the adoption process, let's now tackle what most are concerned about AFTER the adoption is final. When we brought our daughter home, the concerns started the moment we put her in the car. I remember driving home, in the back seat and thinking: Who is this stranger? while she was probably thinking the same. I remember very vividly taking her around the house and telling her which room she was in. I know that she was but three days old, but I had read to do that...and so I did. I did the same with our son. The first concern is mostly about the medical history of your child. We were very fortunate as we know most of their medical history. Most adoptive parents do not know and I can only imagine how that must be for them. When you get matched, it's so very overwhelming and it can be hard to focus. That is why it is important to make a list of question...

Hello everyone, I apologize that I was not able to write during the week. I injured my right shoulder and I am waiting to see if I will need surgery. So, if you are waiting to hear back if you will need surgery, know that you are NOT alone and we will all get through this - we have no choice! So, you have infertility and you have been dealing with it for a few years now. You now feel ready, as a couple, to proceed with an adoption. Here are some things you need to consider. Know that we went through this and so, I speak from experience. It was not our case and will never be, but there are couples, who struggled with infertility, and became pregnant after adopting. I am sure that many questions and concerns may arise if this was the case. It would not be a bad thing at all. Why would it be? However, I will say that when you are struggling with infertility, you will be told to stop all fertility treatments while you are undergoing an adoption process. The reason for this is quite...

Hello everyone, I hope you are all warm, as I know that many of you, including myself, are going through some chilly weather. I cannot complain as it is only -9 degrees here and as a Canadian, I have to endure far colder weather. Still, keep warm and bundle up - this is not the time to be cool!! On another note, I am writing this as I am listening to MRI sounds as I will be having one next week - just want to know what to expect. I wanted to start this week with a series of blogs on the whole adoption process. I looked up on the web what are the common concerns when it comes to adoption. I found a website,  https://www.angeladoptioninc.com , and it inspired me to start this series. My approach will be from a personal point of view, because that it is the only one I know. I am not an expert in this field and so, if you are wanting to know more, please visit the website that I have mentioned above. BEFORE YOU ADOPT - COMMUNICATE Before I dive into this, I must say that CO...

Hello everyone, I don't know where you are as you are reading this, but we are experiencing a dense fog - not fun. Yet, I will take it as some are experiencing horrible storms with heavy rain, snow, ice... so, I am good with fog. Yeah, this is a touchy topic, because I don't have a personal experience but have seen it take place and it looks like an awful thing to go through... when we are about to take on such a big step, it's nice and comforting to know that our spouse is also on board. It was during an adoption class that I met a man who was all alone. Usually, it can happen that the other person cannot attend. This was not the case here. In this case, the partner decided that he no longer wanted to go through the adoption... I felt sad for him because I could see that he was hopeful that his partner would change his mind, but I also sensed that he knew that things would not change. Among some of the people know that are unable to have children, we know that some...

Hello everyone, Hope you are all having a pleasant day with coffee. I am enjoying a Smoked Butterscotch Latte and I feel cozy  - I, initially felt pissed off...I guess I just needed coffee. Anyways, I may have already touched on this in a previous post. However, I wanted to write about it from a more personal perspective as we are currently on our third adoption and we are in that waiting process. The first thing is to not be attached to your phone. Yes, this is what I did with our first adoption and each time the phone rang, my heart stopped and then it sunk when I realized it was not our lawyers. So, put the phone away and just try to be patient. The second thing would be not to look at the social media of the agency or lawyer that you are using. This is a sure way of making you feel rejected because you will see all these other parents that have been chosen and not you. This then leads you to overthink your profile, your pictures, your letters...and that can be a sure wa...

Hello everyone, Hoping you all had a nice weekend and that the weather is nice wherever you are. If not, I hope it clears up and you are in the South (US), please know we are keeping you in our prayers. A few weeks ago, my hairdresser asked me if I was bothered by the fact that our adopted child, who is caucasian, does not look like us. And at first, I admit that I said no --- but after thinking about it, for some reason, it is not that it bothers me, but whether I like it or not, I do look for some resemblance, but there is none. Is it normal to feel this way? And the simple answer is YES. It is only normal to want to find some sort of resemblance with our children, but when they are adopted, that will prove to be challenging. During one of the adoption classes, a parent was upset that someone told him that his son looked like him. He had good reason to be upset...let me explain. The parent was caucasian and his son is African-American... yeah, I am assuming that whoever told ...

Hello everyone, I hope you are all having a great day! When we started the process for our first adoption, we kept thinking about what would make us attractive to a birthmom...and we asked our lawyers, social worker and those helping us with our adoption album and we looked online. Did we find an answer? NO! Because the answer is this: we actually do not know what makes you attractive to them because it is different for each birthmom. We heard of a case where the birthmom chose a particular family because this family had a dog and she grew up in a family that had a dog. In another case, a family was chosen because there was a picture of the prospective adoptive father pushing his nephew on a swing - for this birthmom, it brought back childhood memories and a feeling of security. In our case, our first birthmom chose us because we were religious (which was surprising to us), we were open to a child of mixed race and that we could not have children biologically. For our second birt...

Hello everyone, Hope that wherever you are, it is nice and sunny - here it is! So, you have been trying to be a parent all this time and then you adopt and you are STUNNED that a family member is not accepting of your child. I am not talking about a distant cousin, but someone as close as a mother, mother in-law, sibling ... so, someone that you never thought would be acting in such a way. What do you do? First, you feel your emotions. You need to be honest with yourself and allow yourself to feel anger, bitter, confused and sad. Second, you need to address the situation hands-on and in person, if possible. If you live in different cities or countries, then, use SKYPE, Viber, Messenger ...whatever you can to be able to see the person's face. This is and will be a very difficult conversation and doing in face to face will be more powerful. Third, you need to remember that you are your child's advocate. Although you cannot protect from everything - even if I think I can - y...

Happy New Year and decade!!!! Yes, it has been a while and I do apologize for not having written earlier - life got in the way and I let it. But, I am back and wanted to share about weird comments and questions when you adopt because I got the weirdest this past Christmas. It happened at Church where a lady told me that our son looks like my husband - impossible, I said since he is adopted, both of our kids are. Her answer stunned me: Really, are you sure? Am I sure that my kids are adopted? Okay, let's think about this... How could I not be sure? And this is one of many that have been said and one of many to come... How does one deal with it? You can always choose the angry and snarky route, but you need to remember that most often, your children are present when these things are said. Therefore, you may want to be mindful and teach them how to be polite and civil. You also want to teach them how to turn this situation into a teaching moment. It is hard to remain calm and ...