Adoption Series - Blog post #1
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all warm, as I know that many of you, including myself, are going through some chilly weather. I cannot complain as it is only -9 degrees here and as a Canadian, I have to endure far colder weather. Still, keep warm and bundle up - this is not the time to be cool!!
On another note, I am writing this as I am listening to MRI sounds as I will be having one next week - just want to know what to expect.
I wanted to start this week with a series of blogs on the whole adoption process. I looked up on the web what are the common concerns when it comes to adoption. I found a website, https://www.angeladoptioninc.com, and it inspired me to start this series.
My approach will be from a personal point of view, because that it is the only one I know. I am not an expert in this field and so, if you are wanting to know more, please visit the website that I have mentioned above.
BEFORE YOU ADOPT - COMMUNICATE
Before I dive into this, I must say that COMMUNICATION is the most important step before you even look into adoption. You need to make sure that you delve into the topic and have talked about it with your spouse. Do not go into an adoption process and think that you can just figure things out as they occur.
GOING THROUGH THE ADOPTION PROCESS
The biggest thing we feared was the time it would take before we became parents. In our experience, we have been very blessed. We adopted our daughter within three months of our first adoption process and our with our son, it took five months. Therefore, I am in no condition to complain about having to wait for months and months or even years - like some people do. Yet, the waiting process can be overwhelming and it is as if you are on HIGH ALERT each day.
For our daughter, I kept my phone stuck to me like glue - but with our son, I was more relaxed. Everyone deals with it differently but in the end, we just need to trust that the phone will ring and we will have that baby.
As such, it is very important during that waiting period to keep busy as best you can. Don't start planning a nursery as the nursery could be done and you still need to wait a few months. Nothing prevents you from planning ahead, but keep yourself busy with anything that has nothing to do with the adoption.
The home study can also feel overwhelming and scary. Know that you will be assigned a social worker and this person is there to help you through this process. They are not there to judge you, they are there to help you. Do your own research on what to prepare and make sure you have a list of questions for your social worker. Don't listen to others - view this as a way to ensure that you are made to look like the best possible candidate. Be honest and be thorough and remember, your social worker is there to help you. Use all the resources they can give you.
And the biggest concern and worry most have during the adoption process is...a failed match. We went through this and I would be lying if I said that it was not that big of a deal because you know it can be a possibility. But just because it can happen, does not mean that you expect it to happen to you. For us, it took us by surprise and the grief was hard to endure. Yet, that is when we learned that it is more common that you would think.
We also learned that we were lucky because others experienced this during their first adoption process. Others had to go through numerous - one experienced five failed matches - before they became parents.
Clearly, I pray nobody goes through a failed match because it is very painful to go through...but if it does, know that you are not alone and seek help and support to help you get through it.
In our case, we did what St. Thomas Aquinas says to do when you are grieving: drink one glass of wine, take a warm bath, cry and rest. The order does not matter, all that matters is that you give yourself the time to heal, be angry and then move on.
Ouf, long post today...but tomorrow is another day!
If you have any concerns you wish to share or want to talk about, just let me know and it will be my pleasure to answer as best I can. Again, please visit the website that I mention above, here is it again, just in case: https://www.angeladoptioninc.com
Take care,
SM
I hope you are all warm, as I know that many of you, including myself, are going through some chilly weather. I cannot complain as it is only -9 degrees here and as a Canadian, I have to endure far colder weather. Still, keep warm and bundle up - this is not the time to be cool!!
On another note, I am writing this as I am listening to MRI sounds as I will be having one next week - just want to know what to expect.
I wanted to start this week with a series of blogs on the whole adoption process. I looked up on the web what are the common concerns when it comes to adoption. I found a website, https://www.angeladoptioninc.com, and it inspired me to start this series.
My approach will be from a personal point of view, because that it is the only one I know. I am not an expert in this field and so, if you are wanting to know more, please visit the website that I have mentioned above.
BEFORE YOU ADOPT - COMMUNICATE
Before I dive into this, I must say that COMMUNICATION is the most important step before you even look into adoption. You need to make sure that you delve into the topic and have talked about it with your spouse. Do not go into an adoption process and think that you can just figure things out as they occur.
GOING THROUGH THE ADOPTION PROCESS
The biggest thing we feared was the time it would take before we became parents. In our experience, we have been very blessed. We adopted our daughter within three months of our first adoption process and our with our son, it took five months. Therefore, I am in no condition to complain about having to wait for months and months or even years - like some people do. Yet, the waiting process can be overwhelming and it is as if you are on HIGH ALERT each day.
For our daughter, I kept my phone stuck to me like glue - but with our son, I was more relaxed. Everyone deals with it differently but in the end, we just need to trust that the phone will ring and we will have that baby.
As such, it is very important during that waiting period to keep busy as best you can. Don't start planning a nursery as the nursery could be done and you still need to wait a few months. Nothing prevents you from planning ahead, but keep yourself busy with anything that has nothing to do with the adoption.
The home study can also feel overwhelming and scary. Know that you will be assigned a social worker and this person is there to help you through this process. They are not there to judge you, they are there to help you. Do your own research on what to prepare and make sure you have a list of questions for your social worker. Don't listen to others - view this as a way to ensure that you are made to look like the best possible candidate. Be honest and be thorough and remember, your social worker is there to help you. Use all the resources they can give you.
And the biggest concern and worry most have during the adoption process is...a failed match. We went through this and I would be lying if I said that it was not that big of a deal because you know it can be a possibility. But just because it can happen, does not mean that you expect it to happen to you. For us, it took us by surprise and the grief was hard to endure. Yet, that is when we learned that it is more common that you would think.
We also learned that we were lucky because others experienced this during their first adoption process. Others had to go through numerous - one experienced five failed matches - before they became parents.
Clearly, I pray nobody goes through a failed match because it is very painful to go through...but if it does, know that you are not alone and seek help and support to help you get through it.
In our case, we did what St. Thomas Aquinas says to do when you are grieving: drink one glass of wine, take a warm bath, cry and rest. The order does not matter, all that matters is that you give yourself the time to heal, be angry and then move on.
Ouf, long post today...but tomorrow is another day!
If you have any concerns you wish to share or want to talk about, just let me know and it will be my pleasure to answer as best I can. Again, please visit the website that I mention above, here is it again, just in case: https://www.angeladoptioninc.com
Take care,
SM
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