Adoption Series - Patience and Perseverance
Hello everyone,
A little late in the day, but hoping that your day, so far, is going well. If you are not having a good day, I hope that it will get better. Hard days are not fun, but there is always hope for tomorrow. Hang in there!
When one adopts, it can be very overwhelming and you will experience a range of emotions. You will also need to be very patient and very perseverant. If you are not patient or perseverant, sorry to burst your bubble, but you will have to be...or else you will not be able to get through all the hurdles that come with adopting.
I always considered myself a patient person...and then we went through the adoption process. Turns out, I am not as patient as I thought I was.
You will need patience because there will be a lot of waiting involved. You will need to wait to meet with an adoption agency. You will need to wait to meet with the lawyer. You will need to wait to be assigned to a social worker. You will need to wait, like in our case, to have a Green Card, or any other legal document that gives a permanent status in the country where you are currently residing. You will need to wait to put together all the documents that are necessary to start your adoption file. You will need to wait to register for adoption classes. You will need to wait for appointments for a physical and fingerprints. You will need to wait for the CPS (Child Protective Services) reports to be processed (this only takes place when you are adopting and already have children). You will need to wait to have your adoption album approved. You will need to wait to be live for prospective birthparents. You will need to wait to be matched. You will need to wait for the baby to be born. You will then need to wait for the birth consents to be signed... this is the LONGEST wait of all....
I think you get it... you need to be PATIENT.
You will need to be perseverant because you will have a lot of paperwork, including lengthy legal documents to go through. You will need to be perseverant because you have to go through a few interviews and classes. You will need to be perseverant because the paperwork that needs to be filled is very lengthy and you cannot skip to the next step unless you have completed the one you are starting. You will need to persevere as you see others in your classes being matched while you are not. You will need to persevere when your match does not go through. You will need to persevere when your birthparents change their mind and choose to parent.
You get it...be PERSEVERANT.
Is it easy? No! Does it get easier? Somewhat because you get used to the paperwork and it diminishes as you keep adopting. You become more patient because you now know what to expect. You persevere because you know that in the end, you will have a baby. But, there are still moments when I lost my patience and wanted to stop because it does get hard.
It's all about remembering the end goal: you will be a parent! You will have your baby! If you focus on the bad, you will not achieve the good. I know that you may be saying: hey, it's easier said than done. But remember, I have gone through two successful adoptions, one failed match and am currently in the waiting phase for a third adoption. So, I know...trust me, I know.
How do you get through it? You do because you are stronger than you think. Getting support is also very important. You have your spouse or partner there with you. You have your social worker, your lawyer, your priest or pastor, your friends. Get support because you will need it.
When you have a bad day...it's okay. Don't push it away. Let your emotions come out and go through them. You need to let them come out and it's okay because it is not easy. You may be someone who struggled for years with infertility and now, here you are, having to wait even longer...so, yeah, it will be hard. However, never forget the end goal: becoming a parent.
If you are in the waiting period, know that you are not alone. It will get better and you will have that baby. If you want to share any joys, fears, frustrations...we are here for that. Let's keep together and help each other.
SM
A little late in the day, but hoping that your day, so far, is going well. If you are not having a good day, I hope that it will get better. Hard days are not fun, but there is always hope for tomorrow. Hang in there!
When one adopts, it can be very overwhelming and you will experience a range of emotions. You will also need to be very patient and very perseverant. If you are not patient or perseverant, sorry to burst your bubble, but you will have to be...or else you will not be able to get through all the hurdles that come with adopting.
I always considered myself a patient person...and then we went through the adoption process. Turns out, I am not as patient as I thought I was.
You will need patience because there will be a lot of waiting involved. You will need to wait to meet with an adoption agency. You will need to wait to meet with the lawyer. You will need to wait to be assigned to a social worker. You will need to wait, like in our case, to have a Green Card, or any other legal document that gives a permanent status in the country where you are currently residing. You will need to wait to put together all the documents that are necessary to start your adoption file. You will need to wait to register for adoption classes. You will need to wait for appointments for a physical and fingerprints. You will need to wait for the CPS (Child Protective Services) reports to be processed (this only takes place when you are adopting and already have children). You will need to wait to have your adoption album approved. You will need to wait to be live for prospective birthparents. You will need to wait to be matched. You will need to wait for the baby to be born. You will then need to wait for the birth consents to be signed... this is the LONGEST wait of all....
I think you get it... you need to be PATIENT.
You will need to be perseverant because you will have a lot of paperwork, including lengthy legal documents to go through. You will need to be perseverant because you have to go through a few interviews and classes. You will need to be perseverant because the paperwork that needs to be filled is very lengthy and you cannot skip to the next step unless you have completed the one you are starting. You will need to persevere as you see others in your classes being matched while you are not. You will need to persevere when your match does not go through. You will need to persevere when your birthparents change their mind and choose to parent.
You get it...be PERSEVERANT.
Is it easy? No! Does it get easier? Somewhat because you get used to the paperwork and it diminishes as you keep adopting. You become more patient because you now know what to expect. You persevere because you know that in the end, you will have a baby. But, there are still moments when I lost my patience and wanted to stop because it does get hard.
It's all about remembering the end goal: you will be a parent! You will have your baby! If you focus on the bad, you will not achieve the good. I know that you may be saying: hey, it's easier said than done. But remember, I have gone through two successful adoptions, one failed match and am currently in the waiting phase for a third adoption. So, I know...trust me, I know.
How do you get through it? You do because you are stronger than you think. Getting support is also very important. You have your spouse or partner there with you. You have your social worker, your lawyer, your priest or pastor, your friends. Get support because you will need it.
When you have a bad day...it's okay. Don't push it away. Let your emotions come out and go through them. You need to let them come out and it's okay because it is not easy. You may be someone who struggled for years with infertility and now, here you are, having to wait even longer...so, yeah, it will be hard. However, never forget the end goal: becoming a parent.
If you are in the waiting period, know that you are not alone. It will get better and you will have that baby. If you want to share any joys, fears, frustrations...we are here for that. Let's keep together and help each other.
SM
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