Adoption Series - Assumptions about the birthparents
Hello everyone,
I hope this post finds you having a good day. If it is not a good day- I am having a mediocre one...- I hope it gets better.
Many questions arise when you adopt. The most common ones are about the birthparents. Not only do you get asked a ton of questions - all very personal and none of their business - you also get faced with several assumptions.
It is unfortunate that birthparents are given a bad wrap because unless you adopt and get to meet them, you have no way of knowing of being in a position to make such assumptions.
The most common assumption I get is about their love for the child. I can see how someone from the outside could perceive a birthmom as not loving their child when placing them with a family. However, I can assure that it is the farthest thing from the truth.
Both our birth moms loved their babies. They were just in a very difficult adult situations and they were not able to take care of them. Instead, they not only chose life for these children, but did the most loving thing they could - they made sure they would be well taken care of.
Now, I am not saying that all of them loved, because we know of some who choose adoption as a means of getting some fast cash and then, they abandon their kids with a family member.
But for the most part, they do love their children and they are doing the most self-sacrificial act of love towards them.
Next time you encounter someone who adopted, do not ask: What kind of woman gives her children up?
Another assumption is that they are uneducated, dealing drugs and always in jail.
Okay, let's be honest. Yes, some do fit those assumptions, but not all. These people are like you and me. They are hard-working, some even have two jobs, some study, some already have other children and they are great citizens, for the most part. The only thing is that they got pregnant and were stuck in a situation that was too difficult to deal with. And so, instead of destroying that life they carried inside them, they did something so noble. They carried that child for nine months and nurtured it the best they could and then, they gave them the best possible outcome for them. That is love, real and pure love.
It hurts me to know that some people have all these negative and harsh assumptions about the birth moms of our children. As their advocate, the birth mom's advocate, I do make sure that I terminate those false accusations. I, obviously, do not give out any personal information on them, but I will not allow people to say mean things about the women who gave us the gift of parenthood.
Every milestone that my children experience, I make sure to capture and write it at the next follow-up. I know that they went on with their lives, but I want to show them that the loving decision they made was the best they could have done for them.
I cannot say that I know what they went through, but I know that it was a difficult and hard decision to make. I don't take them for granted and they often come to mind, especially at birthdays or any special occasion. They, to me, are these loving and brave women that did the most heroic thing. To me, they are my heroes.
Birthparents come in all shapes and sizes, from all races and all backgrounds. They just got caught in adult situations that left them in a sticky situation. In order to remedy that situation, they did the most heroic, loving and self-sacrificial thing - they chose life and good parents for them.
I hope my children wish to meet their birthmoms, to see what happened and how things turned out. If they do not, then, we will keep praying for them, as we do now.
Today, let's pray for the birthparents of our children. If it had not been for them, our families would not be as they are.
If you have a story to share, please feel free and let's build our community.
SM
I hope this post finds you having a good day. If it is not a good day- I am having a mediocre one...- I hope it gets better.
Many questions arise when you adopt. The most common ones are about the birthparents. Not only do you get asked a ton of questions - all very personal and none of their business - you also get faced with several assumptions.
It is unfortunate that birthparents are given a bad wrap because unless you adopt and get to meet them, you have no way of knowing of being in a position to make such assumptions.
The most common assumption I get is about their love for the child. I can see how someone from the outside could perceive a birthmom as not loving their child when placing them with a family. However, I can assure that it is the farthest thing from the truth.
Both our birth moms loved their babies. They were just in a very difficult adult situations and they were not able to take care of them. Instead, they not only chose life for these children, but did the most loving thing they could - they made sure they would be well taken care of.
Now, I am not saying that all of them loved, because we know of some who choose adoption as a means of getting some fast cash and then, they abandon their kids with a family member.
But for the most part, they do love their children and they are doing the most self-sacrificial act of love towards them.
Next time you encounter someone who adopted, do not ask: What kind of woman gives her children up?
Another assumption is that they are uneducated, dealing drugs and always in jail.
Okay, let's be honest. Yes, some do fit those assumptions, but not all. These people are like you and me. They are hard-working, some even have two jobs, some study, some already have other children and they are great citizens, for the most part. The only thing is that they got pregnant and were stuck in a situation that was too difficult to deal with. And so, instead of destroying that life they carried inside them, they did something so noble. They carried that child for nine months and nurtured it the best they could and then, they gave them the best possible outcome for them. That is love, real and pure love.
It hurts me to know that some people have all these negative and harsh assumptions about the birth moms of our children. As their advocate, the birth mom's advocate, I do make sure that I terminate those false accusations. I, obviously, do not give out any personal information on them, but I will not allow people to say mean things about the women who gave us the gift of parenthood.
Every milestone that my children experience, I make sure to capture and write it at the next follow-up. I know that they went on with their lives, but I want to show them that the loving decision they made was the best they could have done for them.
I cannot say that I know what they went through, but I know that it was a difficult and hard decision to make. I don't take them for granted and they often come to mind, especially at birthdays or any special occasion. They, to me, are these loving and brave women that did the most heroic thing. To me, they are my heroes.
Birthparents come in all shapes and sizes, from all races and all backgrounds. They just got caught in adult situations that left them in a sticky situation. In order to remedy that situation, they did the most heroic, loving and self-sacrificial thing - they chose life and good parents for them.
I hope my children wish to meet their birthmoms, to see what happened and how things turned out. If they do not, then, we will keep praying for them, as we do now.
Today, let's pray for the birthparents of our children. If it had not been for them, our families would not be as they are.
If you have a story to share, please feel free and let's build our community.
SM
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