My motherhood journey - not what I expected!

Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine texted me and asked for prayers. She and her husband found out a family member was pregnant. They were happy for her, but being infertile, their hearts were aching inside. An ache I knew and still know so well. Today, I want to share some thoughts with those who read my posts and are infertile. No matter where you are in your infertility journey: just finding out, going through it or have lived with it for years, the pain is always present.  I would first like to extend my heart and prayers to all of you who ache for a child. That longing lodges itself so deep inside and hurts each time we are reminded of it. It will lie dormant for a while, and resurface when you least expect it or need to be reminded of it. You need to know that even though that longing will never dissipate, it will get better - I promise you that! Trust me. Then, I wish to tell you that you are not alone. Even if al...

Hello everyone, I pray this post finds you healthy and feeling blessed. A few years back, I was at a coffee shop with a friend. She was going through infertility issues and wanted to meet with me. During our conversation, she was surprised I was still bothered by my infertility even though we now had children - via adoption.  It then clicked in my mind that infertility never leaves you - it stays with you always. What does leave you is the constant sadness and feeling of being broken. But to think that my children have removed my infertility would be a false misconception. So, am I over my infertility? Honestly, not at all! Pregnancy announcements still bother me - not as much, but they still do. Hearing that someone got pregnant after their surgery will bother me. Seeing my in-laws get pregnant together will bother me.  However, it no longer bothers me as much or as long as it used to. Within a few minutes, I am overwhelming happy and start adding them to my "Expectant Mom" ...

Hello everyone,   I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed. We often hear about women experiencing postpartum depression, after giving birth. But what about adoptive mothers? Do they experience something similar? This is today’s topic. I will link down below the online blog post that inspired me together with the book that I read on this matter.   When we started our first adoption process, our social worker gave us a couple of books to read about adoption. The nerd in me was extremely excited to start reading them – which I did. One topic caught my attention: post-adoption depression or also known as the “Baby Blues”. I found it interesting that even if a woman does not experience childbirth, she can still undergo some sort of postpartum depression.   I would just like to preface that postpartum depression is serious and should not be dismissed. It is not just a “sad” moment in a mother’s life – it can become dangerous if the mother does not get pro...

Hello everyone,   I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed.   When adoption became real - when we knew it would be the only way to grow our family - I would be lying if I said I had fears about it. I honestly did not. Sure, there were concerns and apprehensions, those were a normal part of the adventure. Yet, there were no fears. This is today's topic!   Before I start, I want to make it clear that this is my story. While I did not experience any fears about the process, it does not mean that someone else will feel the same.   For me, fear occurs when I am not comfortable and feel an imminent danger with whatever situation or person around me. It paralyzes me and renders me unable to go along with normal activities. If I base fear on my own definition of it, then, I can honestly share I had no fears when it came to adoption.   What I did experience, as I mentioned earlier, were normal concerns. For example: what if we ...

Hello everyone,   I hope this post finds you feeling healthy and blessed.   It is a misconception to believe that infertile women who adopt stop feeling sad about being infertile. Many have been surprised at the fact that, although I am the mother of three children, I still experience sadness in not having been pregnant. This is today’s topic!   In a coffee shop, I was meeting up with a friend. She had recently been married and already was facing infertility issues. It surprised her when I told her I still felt sad when others would announce their pregnancies. She thought I had “gotten over it”. It then got me thinking…why and how could one assume such a thing? At the time, I don’t think I knew what to answer. It took reading a few online articles to be able to sort out what I was feeling.   The one that caught my attention and could relate to was the article “Buying the Lie” written by Amanda Ackerman. You can find this article on the website of Adop...

Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you healthy, happy and blessed.   Eight years ago, I was miscarrying the only child I was privileged to carry in my womb. In reality, I did not even know that I was pregnant. So, when it happened, my heart sank and I was unable to comprehend what was taking place until it was too late. In memory of our daughter, this post is her story and mine.   My pregnancy ended in its early stages. Without wanting to go into much detail, the miscarriage went on for a few weeks until she finally passed. That moment will forever be engraved in my memory. Unfortunately, unsure of what it was, my husband and I discarded the clot in the trash – something that haunts me to this day.   As I had just moved to the US, I had not yet found a doctor. It was during this time that I started looking for a gynecologist. In order to prepare the appointment, I took notes on everything that was taking place – I was afraid to miss something important. I...

Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you safe and healthy. Weather is getting warmer, but we still need to do our part in stopping the spread of Covid-19.   It is very common to look at one’s children and find the similarities within the family. In our home, it is not possible since all three of our children are adopted. Furthermore, the rest of our siblings have biological children – such that our children are the only adoptees in our family. That is the topic of this post!   Oh, he looks just like Grandpa! Oh, she has the same nose as her aunt Lily! Things you hear when you look at pictures of the kids. But, when your kids are the only adopted ones, those comments do not bring much joy. Instead, they may cause alienation and distance between your kids and the rest of the family.   I completely understand the comments, because, I am the first to say them. However, with that being said, I have become more aware and conscious of how they may affect my childr...

Hello everyone,   Please accept my apologies for not having posted in a while. It has been busy with school and I was also recovering from a back injury – my oldest son decided to use my back as a trampoline…   I hope this post finds you well, safe and healthy. We are closer to the end of this pandemic but we still need to wear our masks, practice social distancing and wash our hands.   Ever since we told people we were adopting, we were bombarded with so much advice. Much of it, to be honest, came from people who never adopted. As for those who had, they would tell us about the downfall of adoption and, at times, it was not positive at all.   Don’t get me wrong: advice is great! However, advice is often based on one’s own personal experience. This is problematic because one finds themselves projecting their own experience on the other person – and realistically, you have no idea what the other person is actually going through. So, most of the advice,...

Hello, I hope this post finds you safe and healthy. Even if a vaccine is currently available, remember to do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19! While researching, I came upon a post on the “American Adoptions” blog. The post tackled the wrong reasons to adopt. It is the inspiration for today’s post. No worries, I have linked the post below. I recommend you read it. 1. You want to “save” a baby. At the risk of sounding harsh - you are no hero and this child does not need saving. What a child needs is to be welcomed into a loving home and family to be nurtured and taken care of. I will concede that it can be seen as a selfless act to adopt, but if that is your main motivation – you are not doing this for the right reasons. 2. You feel it’s the only choice you have to grow your family. Okay – how to tackle this one… In our case, we knew becoming parents in the natural way was not an option. That being said, it did not deter us from pursuing o...

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well and keeping safe and healthy. Remember to keep doing your part in helping to stop the spread of Covid-19. Most often, we do get some looks when we walk around with our kids. Even if you are color blind, you can tell that our children were adopted. Most often, people will smile, but others will gawk and make inappropriate comments like the title of this post. Therefore, this is the subject matter of this post. First off, I need to mention that it does not bother me AT ALL that my children do not look like me. In fact, I always pictured my family photos being with children that were of different races. Therefore, it never was something that bothered me. Secondly, if you are bothered by your kids not looking like you - then, maybe adoption is not the route you should be taking. Even if you make the decision to adopt a child that is the same race as you - that child will not look like you. So, if looks matter to you, you need to either make pea...

Hello everyone, Happy New Year! Yes, 2020 is finally over and done with. I doubt anyone will miss it.  I wish you all a wonderful and blessed new year full of health and laughter! Also, remember to still keep doing your part to stop the spread of Covid-19. When you adopt, one of the things you worry about is not getting matched with a birthmom. We all go through it and it is a difficult part of the process. I would not say that it is the most stressful part but it is not fun, at all! Waiting to be matched is a legitimate fear. It is this gray area that leaves us feeling inadequate and it messes with our confidence. The good thing is that we all get matched, and that we are not alone in feeling this way. Yes, you need to be patient. Unfortunately, that is the only thing I can tell you. It will happen, when the right birthmom finds you. There is nothing you can do to make yourself more appealing. In reality, birthmoms don’t look for the same thing. With our thr...

Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you safe and healthy. Remember to do your part in stopping the spread of Covid-19. I was at Walmart, this was pre-pandemic, with my husband and the kids. We were at the self-serve register paying for our items. A lady, an employee assisting with the self-serve registers, approached our kids and said how adorable they were. We replied we were very blessed and then, it happened: a very inappropriate question! She looked me straight in the eyes and asked: "Are they yours? Like yours yours?"  Don't worry, it was not the first time I got this question yet it still caught me off guard. I looked at her, smiled and answered: "What do you mean by that?" This has become my go-to answer. I have learned through many awkward moments like these that when you answer this way, it not only catches them off guard, but allows me to find out where that question actually comes from. In this case, this lady was an adoptee. Unfortunately, she had...