My child will not look like me - will that bother me?
Hello everyone,
Hoping you all had a nice weekend and that the weather is nice wherever you are. If not, I hope it clears up and you are in the South (US), please know we are keeping you in our prayers.
A few weeks ago, my hairdresser asked me if I was bothered by the fact that our adopted child, who is caucasian, does not look like us. And at first, I admit that I said no --- but after thinking about it, for some reason, it is not that it bothers me, but whether I like it or not, I do look for some resemblance, but there is none.
Is it normal to feel this way?
And the simple answer is YES. It is only normal to want to find some sort of resemblance with our children, but when they are adopted, that will prove to be challenging. During one of the adoption classes, a parent was upset that someone told him that his son looked like him. He had good reason to be upset...let me explain. The parent was caucasian and his son is African-American... yeah, I am assuming that whoever told him that was probably not used to seeing a transracial adoption.
Anyways, although our son looks nothing like us, it does not stop us from loving him just like we love our daughter. The love is the same and when you think about it, one can have biological children and they look like either the Mom or the Dad. Does that mean they do not love their children because they don't resemble them? OF COURSE NOT! Same with adoption.
This always brings up an important discussion to be had when a couple is wanting to adopt. Will it bother you that your children will not resemble you? Are you prepared for it? Are you prepared for all the stares, questions, comments, snickers and judgments? If you are not, then, you need to think about this and only once you are at peace with it, then you can go ahead. Do not make the mistake of thinking that you will cross that bridge once you cross it. No, children do not deserve that.
In the end, when I look at our kids, I only see our kids as they are. Yes, we have a daughter who is mixed race and a son who, although caucasian, looks nothing like us. What I also see is the love that grows more and more each day for them. Their smiles and tender moments melt our hearts. For example, this past weekend, it was so nice to have breakfast as a family of four - no matter the clean-up after because food tends to fly with kids...
If you are thinking of adopting and are concerned about this topic, please feel free to share.
Wishing you all a great day!
SM
Hoping you all had a nice weekend and that the weather is nice wherever you are. If not, I hope it clears up and you are in the South (US), please know we are keeping you in our prayers.
A few weeks ago, my hairdresser asked me if I was bothered by the fact that our adopted child, who is caucasian, does not look like us. And at first, I admit that I said no --- but after thinking about it, for some reason, it is not that it bothers me, but whether I like it or not, I do look for some resemblance, but there is none.
Is it normal to feel this way?
And the simple answer is YES. It is only normal to want to find some sort of resemblance with our children, but when they are adopted, that will prove to be challenging. During one of the adoption classes, a parent was upset that someone told him that his son looked like him. He had good reason to be upset...let me explain. The parent was caucasian and his son is African-American... yeah, I am assuming that whoever told him that was probably not used to seeing a transracial adoption.
Anyways, although our son looks nothing like us, it does not stop us from loving him just like we love our daughter. The love is the same and when you think about it, one can have biological children and they look like either the Mom or the Dad. Does that mean they do not love their children because they don't resemble them? OF COURSE NOT! Same with adoption.
This always brings up an important discussion to be had when a couple is wanting to adopt. Will it bother you that your children will not resemble you? Are you prepared for it? Are you prepared for all the stares, questions, comments, snickers and judgments? If you are not, then, you need to think about this and only once you are at peace with it, then you can go ahead. Do not make the mistake of thinking that you will cross that bridge once you cross it. No, children do not deserve that.
In the end, when I look at our kids, I only see our kids as they are. Yes, we have a daughter who is mixed race and a son who, although caucasian, looks nothing like us. What I also see is the love that grows more and more each day for them. Their smiles and tender moments melt our hearts. For example, this past weekend, it was so nice to have breakfast as a family of four - no matter the clean-up after because food tends to fly with kids...
If you are thinking of adopting and are concerned about this topic, please feel free to share.
Wishing you all a great day!
SM
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