Adoption Series - How we knew when to stop trying for a biological child
Hello everyone,
I hope everyone is having a good day. If you are not, I hope it gets better. If you having a really crappy day, then, I am truly sorry about that - I do hope that it gets better.
When you start the journey of conceiving, you are excited. Each month, you wonder if this is the month where you will be pregnant. Six months go by and you start to wonder why it is not happening. But, you know that it can take up to a year to conceive, so you do not worry - yet.
Soon enough, it's been one year and still no pregnancy. Why is it taking so long? What are doing that is not right? All of your friends and family members have all gotten pregnant this past year - and you are still waiting.
Then, like in our case, you experience something that will completely change you forever. You miscarry. You fall apart. You go to the doctor. You are told that it happens and that you should keep trying. You do. It never happens again.
Two and then three years go by and you start to get the looks, comments and UNWANTED advice. it comes from all places and you begin to get the pity looks.
All the pregnancy announcements get to be too much and you become bitter and angry all the time. You stop going to events because you know there will be children there. The mere thought of going to another baby shower, baptism or birthday party kills you slowly inside.
As if that is isn't enough, you embark on the journey of finding out what may be causing the delay in achieving a pregnancy. You can't comprehend it because you were able to get pregnant before, why can't it happen again?
After having all the blood work, ultrasounds, histerosalpingogram (HSG) and countless medications... you are told only surgery can provide a clear and accurate diagnosis.
You have surgery and that hope you had years ago comes back. You know women who had this same surgery and they got pregnant within six months of the surgery. After the surgery, the countdown begins.
Within the first six months, I experienced unusual bleeding and very irregular cycles. I was put on medication that was supposed to help me ovulate. It was just not working. After six months, we both pulled the plug. It was becoming clear to us that it would not happen. We were not being pessimistic. We just knew that it was time to stop trying for a biological child.
Everyone has their own way of knowing when it is time to stop. For some, it takes place after countless miscarriages and stillbirths. For others, it's the numerous years of trying with no success. Regardless of your story, you will know when it is time to pull the plug. It will feel right because it feels right for you.
How long will it take you to know that you need to stop? Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you. It took us five years. It can you longer or shorter. You will know because it will feel right.
Looking back, I wish that we had pulled the plug earlier, but even if we had, we still needed a Green Card and that only came in 2017 - five years later, when we pulled the plug. Five months later, we had our daughter. Perfect timing!
If you are currently in that stage - the not knowing when to stop trying, don't let others dictate when you should stop. There is not much you can control when you are infertile. But, you can control when to stop trying for a biological child. Don't let anyone take that away from you.
As I always say, you are not alone. Let's support each other.
SM
I hope everyone is having a good day. If you are not, I hope it gets better. If you having a really crappy day, then, I am truly sorry about that - I do hope that it gets better.
When you start the journey of conceiving, you are excited. Each month, you wonder if this is the month where you will be pregnant. Six months go by and you start to wonder why it is not happening. But, you know that it can take up to a year to conceive, so you do not worry - yet.
Soon enough, it's been one year and still no pregnancy. Why is it taking so long? What are doing that is not right? All of your friends and family members have all gotten pregnant this past year - and you are still waiting.
Then, like in our case, you experience something that will completely change you forever. You miscarry. You fall apart. You go to the doctor. You are told that it happens and that you should keep trying. You do. It never happens again.
Two and then three years go by and you start to get the looks, comments and UNWANTED advice. it comes from all places and you begin to get the pity looks.
All the pregnancy announcements get to be too much and you become bitter and angry all the time. You stop going to events because you know there will be children there. The mere thought of going to another baby shower, baptism or birthday party kills you slowly inside.
As if that is isn't enough, you embark on the journey of finding out what may be causing the delay in achieving a pregnancy. You can't comprehend it because you were able to get pregnant before, why can't it happen again?
After having all the blood work, ultrasounds, histerosalpingogram (HSG) and countless medications... you are told only surgery can provide a clear and accurate diagnosis.
You have surgery and that hope you had years ago comes back. You know women who had this same surgery and they got pregnant within six months of the surgery. After the surgery, the countdown begins.
Within the first six months, I experienced unusual bleeding and very irregular cycles. I was put on medication that was supposed to help me ovulate. It was just not working. After six months, we both pulled the plug. It was becoming clear to us that it would not happen. We were not being pessimistic. We just knew that it was time to stop trying for a biological child.
Everyone has their own way of knowing when it is time to stop. For some, it takes place after countless miscarriages and stillbirths. For others, it's the numerous years of trying with no success. Regardless of your story, you will know when it is time to pull the plug. It will feel right because it feels right for you.
How long will it take you to know that you need to stop? Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you. It took us five years. It can you longer or shorter. You will know because it will feel right.
Looking back, I wish that we had pulled the plug earlier, but even if we had, we still needed a Green Card and that only came in 2017 - five years later, when we pulled the plug. Five months later, we had our daughter. Perfect timing!
If you are currently in that stage - the not knowing when to stop trying, don't let others dictate when you should stop. There is not much you can control when you are infertile. But, you can control when to stop trying for a biological child. Don't let anyone take that away from you.
As I always say, you are not alone. Let's support each other.
SM
Comments