My motherhood journey - not what I expected!

Hello everyone, YES!! There is a lot of paperwork that is involved in an adoption process, This can, at times, be a cause for abandoning the process. It is very demanding and very intrusive, but it is part of the journey and I just want to give you an accurate picture of the documents that you will need to prepare together with documents you will need to obtain. The main documents that you will need are: 1) Adoption album that will be presented to the birthparents: - Personal statements - Stories from each spouse or partner - Pictures (make sure they are nice) 2) History: family, medical, school, job, criminal 3) If you have children, you will need CPS reports 4) Employment letters 5) References from close family members and friends 6) Physical evaluations ( these need to be done close to when you will have your home study) 7) Fingerprinting - both State and National 8) Bank statements, tax returns, any financial documents evidencing loans, mortgages or any investments ...

Hello everyone, The week is halfway done and it feels like it will be a very long one...but hey, eventually, the weekend has to arrive! Something that people need to address and probably don't until they have started the process is: should they adopt? It seems like a simple answer, but it is a bit more complex than that. Just like anything else, many just jump into adoption without even having a real discussion with themselves and their spouses or partner. And then, they start the process and it either falls apart or they fall apart. I have met some couples during our adoption classes that ended up being alone in the process because their spouse or partner was not sure anymore they wanted to adopt. I wondered if they had been honest with themselves and each other before they started this journey. Adopting a child is not like adopting a puppy or cat. You are deciding to take care and love a stranger and promise to someone you may never see again, that you will do everything in ...

Hello everyone, Hope you all had a pleasant weekend. We had a nice family outing on Sunday, but it was quickly marred by a very annoying situation - being looked at because our child is of mixed race. It started with looks wherever we went. Then, as our daughter explored the park, kids would turn the other way or not go where she was. My husband was with her, as I was feeding our son, but I kept a close watch. He was shocked as no one approached him or us, for that matter.  There were a few men who did say hello to her and a nice couple who spoke to her for a while. She was just enjoying this world and yet, we, her parents, felt all those stares and snickers. How wonderful that she is still so innocent. We came home sad and telling ourselves that we will never go to that park again, because as our children grow up, we don't want them to be exposed to that, as much as we can help it. I am used to it, but my husband sees it rarely and he was very much affected by it. What was to...

Hello everyone, This post is about the many looks you get when you go anywhere in public with your children and they are adopted. 1) The surprised look This look is the one we get the most. Often, the kids are facing us in their stroller. When people then come around and glimpse at them, it never fails: the surprise look! I am not sure if it is a bad or good surprise, but it's a surprise look...I always feel like asking: Were you expecting something else? 2) The double look This one we get when we are holding the kids. Our daughter is mixed race but not our son. And so, when we walk around, people really give us the double look...it's like they think they know what they saw, but they need to make sure. 3) The "disgust" look Oh yeah!!! I get this one a lot when I am alone with our daughter. It is usually given to me by women of mixed race and it's sometime followed by a whispered remark to whoever they are with. It's not a fun one and it has gotten m...

Hello everyone, One thing that people often ask me is how I handled meeting our children. Was I nervous? Were the birth parents present? Did you meet the family? What did you bring? Was it awful? Was it hard? Clearly, I can't answer all the questions that people may have, but I will answer in this post the most common questions that we get asked. 1) Were you nervous? YES! YES! YES! It is very nerve wracking to think that you will enter a room and meet someone, for the first time in some cases, and they are holding your baby. It is mix of nerves, good and bad, but it also helps to know that the birthparents are just as nervous, if not more. 2) Did you bring something for the birthparents? Depending on the situation, you may or may not have a relationship with the birthparents prior to the birth of your baby. In most cases, you have established some sort of relationship and it is common to bring something. However, in some instances, especially when the adoption plan was m...

Hello everyone, Hope everyone is having a great Monday. I received an email this past weekend and it prompted me to pop in and write about it ben okay NOT to attend baby showers when you have infertility or are struggling with conceiving. It seems that unless you have infertility, you just cannot process what it feels like for someone like me to attend your baby shower. And let me be very clear. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with being jealous or envious. It has more to do with that feeling of shame and of not belonging because you know or are starting to realize that you will never have a baby shower of your own. I only attended one. It was my cousin's girlfriend who was expecting and I was single at the time, so having a baby was just not on my radar. Then, most of my colleagues or friends were not in the marriage phase or having babies phase. Then, we moved to the USA where I still knew no one. Oh wait...yes, I did attend another one here...but it was at a restaurant and ...

Hello everyone, I wanted to write about the adoption stories that belong to your children. Yes, you have read that correctly. Adoption stories belong to your children and only they can share them. I can understand that family or friends want to know where they came from, who the birthparents are and other details, but what we need to remember is that those details are personal and should stay that way. Think of it this way...you would not want others to know about your personal life, then why would put your children't private information out there for others? Right? And we had to constantly be careful with what we shared because we just didn't want them to share those details with others. And people could then tell them to our kids without us even telling them before. I heard of a story where a mother had shared that their children were adopted through a catholic charity. This person with whom they shared this information with, they went to the kid in question and told the...

Hello everyone, Just a quick post about how I had to deal with losing hope that I would never conceive naturally. To say that it was hard, would be an understatement because it was actually VERY HARD. It took a lot out of me and it had to be dealt with by sinking into a very dark place so that I could finally see the light! It first took admitting it to myself. It took me looking into the mirror and looking at myself and saying: this is not going to happen, YOU will not know what it is like to carry a child, YOU will never have a positive pregnancy test, YOU will never tell your husband that you are pregnant, YOU will never conceive naturally. That's probably the hardest thing for anyone who is facing a very challenging time..to admit to themselves that what they had hoped for since a child is just not going to happen. Then, it takes acceptance. It takes courage to accept that we are broken in a way that cannot be repaired. We need to accept that others will proudly obtain that...

Hello everyone, When you begin an adoption process, you never think that it won't work out. Yet, sometimes, the adoption match does not take fruition for a number of reasons. In the end, the birthparents are the ones that either sign or don't sign the birth consent. When it does get signed, it is a moment of great joy! When it doesn't, tremendous sadness and anger take place and it can stay that way for a while. We had a failed adoption match earlier this year and it was a crushing blow. I will admit that I was not surprised that it happened, but had not expected that the birthmom would have acted that way. Let me first be very clear that I was not angry because she decided to parent her own child. I was angry because her intentions were dishonest and misleading. I knew something was off right at the start of it all. When we spoke to her for the first time, she had no questions for us. I found that odd because with our previous adoption, the birthmom had a number of...

Hello everyone, Today, I just want to pop in and quickly write about something that only infertile women who have never maintained a pregnancy to term can understand. We still long to know what it would have been like to give birth. It used to be a stronger longing, but with time, it has greatly diminished for me. Yet, I would be lying if I said that it never really left me. The reason is simple: I am human and I would have wanted to know what that felt like. And yes, I know that it hurts and is not an always easy experience to go through - trust me, I have heard many birth stories and some left me with goosebumps for days. Yet, because I never got to experience it, I will always wonder what it would have felt like for me. I look at our children and there are times when I think that I met one of them through a text message sent by the lawyers, and the other when he was two days old. I never saw them come into this world, and I never got the first Mom or Dad picture while they s...

Hello everyone, When we adopted, we knew NOTHING! I knew a couple of women who had adopted, but they were not much help because they had adopted internationally and that's an entirely separate thing from domestic adoption. So, looking back on our own personal experience, here are five things I think people should think of or know before they start an adoption process. They are in no particular order of preference or importance. 1) Why are you adopting? Seems like an obvious answer, right? yet, you would be surprised how many couples adopt for entirely different reasons and then it can stall the process or end it permanently. So, before starting anything, have an honest discussion with your spouse about why you wish to adopt. Don't assume the other person is thinking or feeling the same as you. 2) What are the adoption agencies in your area? It's important to have a team behind you that can provide you with all the answers to your questions. Adoption is a very beau...

Hello everyone, We have all seen them on social media, some quite creative and funny, and others very touching and moving. A new baby is always a blessing and brings such joy to any family. However, when you are the infertile one in the family or in your group of friends, you find it hard to be happy because you feel as though you are excluded from a group that you so desperately want to be a part of...that was my case for the longest time! Still is, in some way. It wasn't until our third year of infertility that it got increasingly harder to be happy when my family made pregnancy announcements. There was always joy in me, but also, I could sense pity from my family - or so, that is what I thought - and it was becoming harder and harder to hide my sadness. The worse fear I had was that all of them would be pregnant...which happened and I wanted to die. I felt like I was being punished and that I was blackballed from the "pregger" club. It was such a time of darkness...

Hello everyone, I hope you all had a great Labor Day with much family time and rest. Let us just take a moment to think of those in the Bahamas who are being pounded heavily by a very slow moving Dorian. Let us also not forget those in Florida and the others along the East Coast as they brace and prepare for whatever Dorian brings them. Today, I wanted to share about NFP (Natural Family Planning) and it actually helped us to obtain a diagnosis and closure on our infertility journey. As a brief disclaimer, I am in no way an expert in NFP and I am not endorsing any particular method of NFP. I am simply sharing our story and what worked for us. If you wish to know more about NFP, there are many online resources that can help you and let you choose the best method for you and your needs. Before I begin, I do want to dispel a few myths about NFP: 1) It's NOT a Catholic thing. In fact, people of all religious backgrounds or none use NFP because it a more natural approach for w...