The longing never leaves you

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Hello everyone,

Today, I just want to pop in and quickly write about something that only infertile women who have never maintained a pregnancy to term can understand. We still long to know what it would have been like to give birth.

It used to be a stronger longing, but with time, it has greatly diminished for me. Yet, I would be lying if I said that it never really left me. The reason is simple: I am human and I would have wanted to know what that felt like.

And yes, I know that it hurts and is not an always easy experience to go through - trust me, I have heard many birth stories and some left me with goosebumps for days. Yet, because I never got to experience it, I will always wonder what it would have felt like for me.

I look at our children and there are times when I think that I met one of them through a text message sent by the lawyers, and the other when he was two days old. I never saw them come into this world, and I never got the first Mom or Dad picture while they still looked all gooey and gross.

But my becoming a Mom turned out differently and I have learned to accept it, but it does not mean that I don't sometimes wish that it had been me giving birth to them.

We long to be like others because we enjoy being part of something. As a woman, I wanted to be part of the "preggers" club, but never was. I wanted to have a birth story to share, but I don't.

Now, after eight years, the longing is not as present, but it does pop up once in a while, especially when people keep reminding me that I didn't birth to my children...yup, people do that! When it does, it does not stay as long. And that only means that I am healing and have grieved my loss of never giving birth.

Now, I just enjoy sharing my adoption stories of how I was blessed with such amazing children who constantly remind me that there is good in this world, and that I need to live in the present more.

Hoping you all are enjoying a good Saturday and let's keep praying for the people of Bahamas and all those that have been affected by Dorian.

SM

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