Meeting your adopted baby - What to expect!
Hello everyone,
One thing that people often ask me is how I handled meeting our children. Was I nervous? Were the birth parents present? Did you meet the family? What did you bring? Was it awful? Was it hard?
Clearly, I can't answer all the questions that people may have, but I will answer in this post the most common questions that we get asked.
1) Were you nervous?
YES! YES! YES!
It is very nerve wracking to think that you will enter a room and meet someone, for the first time in some cases, and they are holding your baby. It is mix of nerves, good and bad, but it also helps to know that the birthparents are just as nervous, if not more.
2) Did you bring something for the birthparents?
Depending on the situation, you may or may not have a relationship with the birthparents prior to the birth of your baby. In most cases, you have established some sort of relationship and it is common to bring something. However, in some instances, especially when the adoption plan was made immediately after the birth of the baby, there just is no time to get anything.
3) Was there any drama?
In our case, there was no drama with both of our children. But, I have heard of instances, particularly when the family of the birthparents did not approve of the adoption, where there was some sort of drama. But with adoption, there is always some sort of situation that is going which can cause some tension. That is why it is important to have good counsel and use the social workers at the hospital, as they can help to diffuse any issues that may arise.
4) Was it sad to leave with the baby while the birthparents stayed behind?
Yeah, this was the most difficult for me. There are instances where the birthparents are not present when you arrive, but those are rare. In our case, they were present and it did get sad, but we used as much respect as we could, and we let them say goodbye privately and gave them as much time as they needed. As excited as we were to come home with them, we knew that we would see them forever, unlike them. So, it is sad, but that's the reality when you adopt.
5) How could they have let you leave with their baby?
Okay, this is a very loaded question. First of all, once the birth consent is signed by the birthparents, the birth rights have now been relinquished to you. However, I need to caution you that this varies depending of the State in which the adoption takes place in. In our State, once the birth consent it signed, there is no going back. In others, the birthparents have 30 days to revoke the birth consent. Also, these birthparents, have made adoption plans. They have in no way given their children to someone. They have made a plan to ensure that a loving family, of their own choice, provides for a child, who they just cannot take care of because of all the adult issues they have. So, it is false to think that they are letting you leave with their child.
6) What should you bring for the baby?
This is a question that gets asked a lot. Basically, you need to bring a car seat, because they will inspect it at the hospital and a camera. A little side note, take a picture of the baby with the birthparents. You can send it to them and later, show it to your child. Also, bring some clothes, in case, although, most hospitals do provide some clothes and the birthparents may want you to keep something from them.
7) Can your family come?
For us, it was easy because our family lives in another country. So, it was just us. But, if they were present, I don't think we would want them present, because the adoption story should really stay between you, the birthparents and your child. As such, unless the birthparents are okay with it, you and your spouse should be the only ones present.
8) Do you need to bring ID?
YES!!! Because once you arrive at the hospital, they will ask who you are and to identify yourself.
9) Are the lawyers or social workers present when you arrive at the hospital?
In our case, the lawyers had already done their paperwork. They simply wanted to know how things went and the social worker will come meet you but only once the birthparents have left. I doubt they are ever present, to be honest.
10) Is there any paperwork that is needed before you leave?
YES!!! You can only leave the hospital with the baby once the custody release has been issued and that the hospital has received it. Without it, you cannot legally leave with the child. If you are adopting from another State, you will be required to stay in that State, approximately 14 days, until the States agree to let you cross State lines with the baby. Again, before engaging in any adoption process, ask all these questions - actually, I will make this a post, stay tuned!
Now, there are many more questions that get asked, but these are the ones that always come back. If you have any others that you would like me to address, please feel free to let me know.
Take care,
SM
One thing that people often ask me is how I handled meeting our children. Was I nervous? Were the birth parents present? Did you meet the family? What did you bring? Was it awful? Was it hard?
Clearly, I can't answer all the questions that people may have, but I will answer in this post the most common questions that we get asked.
1) Were you nervous?
YES! YES! YES!
It is very nerve wracking to think that you will enter a room and meet someone, for the first time in some cases, and they are holding your baby. It is mix of nerves, good and bad, but it also helps to know that the birthparents are just as nervous, if not more.
2) Did you bring something for the birthparents?
Depending on the situation, you may or may not have a relationship with the birthparents prior to the birth of your baby. In most cases, you have established some sort of relationship and it is common to bring something. However, in some instances, especially when the adoption plan was made immediately after the birth of the baby, there just is no time to get anything.
3) Was there any drama?
In our case, there was no drama with both of our children. But, I have heard of instances, particularly when the family of the birthparents did not approve of the adoption, where there was some sort of drama. But with adoption, there is always some sort of situation that is going which can cause some tension. That is why it is important to have good counsel and use the social workers at the hospital, as they can help to diffuse any issues that may arise.
4) Was it sad to leave with the baby while the birthparents stayed behind?
Yeah, this was the most difficult for me. There are instances where the birthparents are not present when you arrive, but those are rare. In our case, they were present and it did get sad, but we used as much respect as we could, and we let them say goodbye privately and gave them as much time as they needed. As excited as we were to come home with them, we knew that we would see them forever, unlike them. So, it is sad, but that's the reality when you adopt.
5) How could they have let you leave with their baby?
Okay, this is a very loaded question. First of all, once the birth consent is signed by the birthparents, the birth rights have now been relinquished to you. However, I need to caution you that this varies depending of the State in which the adoption takes place in. In our State, once the birth consent it signed, there is no going back. In others, the birthparents have 30 days to revoke the birth consent. Also, these birthparents, have made adoption plans. They have in no way given their children to someone. They have made a plan to ensure that a loving family, of their own choice, provides for a child, who they just cannot take care of because of all the adult issues they have. So, it is false to think that they are letting you leave with their child.
6) What should you bring for the baby?
This is a question that gets asked a lot. Basically, you need to bring a car seat, because they will inspect it at the hospital and a camera. A little side note, take a picture of the baby with the birthparents. You can send it to them and later, show it to your child. Also, bring some clothes, in case, although, most hospitals do provide some clothes and the birthparents may want you to keep something from them.
7) Can your family come?
For us, it was easy because our family lives in another country. So, it was just us. But, if they were present, I don't think we would want them present, because the adoption story should really stay between you, the birthparents and your child. As such, unless the birthparents are okay with it, you and your spouse should be the only ones present.
8) Do you need to bring ID?
YES!!! Because once you arrive at the hospital, they will ask who you are and to identify yourself.
9) Are the lawyers or social workers present when you arrive at the hospital?
In our case, the lawyers had already done their paperwork. They simply wanted to know how things went and the social worker will come meet you but only once the birthparents have left. I doubt they are ever present, to be honest.
10) Is there any paperwork that is needed before you leave?
YES!!! You can only leave the hospital with the baby once the custody release has been issued and that the hospital has received it. Without it, you cannot legally leave with the child. If you are adopting from another State, you will be required to stay in that State, approximately 14 days, until the States agree to let you cross State lines with the baby. Again, before engaging in any adoption process, ask all these questions - actually, I will make this a post, stay tuned!
Now, there are many more questions that get asked, but these are the ones that always come back. If you have any others that you would like me to address, please feel free to let me know.
Take care,
SM
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