Pregnancy announcements when you are infertile - frustration and sadness unite!
Hello everyone,
We have all seen them on social media, some quite creative and funny, and others very touching and moving. A new baby is always a blessing and brings such joy to any family.
However, when you are the infertile one in the family or in your group of friends, you find it hard to be happy because you feel as though you are excluded from a group that you so desperately want to be a part of...that was my case for the longest time! Still is, in some way.
It wasn't until our third year of infertility that it got increasingly harder to be happy when my family made pregnancy announcements. There was always joy in me, but also, I could sense pity from my family - or so, that is what I thought - and it was becoming harder and harder to hide my sadness. The worse fear I had was that all of them would be pregnant...which happened and I wanted to die. I felt like I was being punished and that I was blackballed from the "pregger" club. It was such a time of darkness.
Yet, I never showed how I truly felt because I did not want to take away their great joy and I did not want to be branded the "jealous" one. And so, I played my act quite well. I expressed joy and happiness in front of them but when alone, I cried and felt like a part of me was dying. It was as if this huge black hole was underneath me and was slowly taking me in and no amount of pulling out of it would work...
Did I have my own pregnancy announcements ideas? Of course!! I had one where I placed three pairs of glasses with one of them being for a baby, since both my husband and I wear glasses. I envisioned bringing balloons home with the caption: BABY ON THE WAY! I had these theme ideas for dinner in case I was to announce it to him during super. And, of course, I played out how we would announce our families.
But, the sad and harsh reality is that I never will get to have my own pregnancy announcement. Because when you adopt, you have a "so, we have been matched to a birthmom"...and then, everyone looks at you as if they have no idea what that means. Technically, it means we will be parents, but only if the birth consents are signed by the birthparents. So, it's a very different experience because no one really knows what to say...it gets awkward and then, somewhat dumb questions arise: oh, it's a white kid, right? oh, what do you know about the parents? are they drug-addicts??? Anyways, this will be another post - the amount of ridiculous assumptions that people make and the most dumbest or down right cruel things will tell you when you adopt or are about to. Watch out for that!!
Now that we have our children, it does not hurt as much when I hear pregnancy announcements. I had to accept my reality and also come to terms that I just had different pregnancy announcements and that was that!
There comes a point when one needs to just accept her journey and either embrace it or being sad perpetually. I wanted to embrace it because I did not want to be sad, mad, envious...that is too much to carry on a daily basis and life is short and each day should be lived as though it is your last.
Have you been in that situation where it seems all you see are pregnancy announcements? Do you know someone who is?
I may not know where you may be in your infertility journey, but if you are in that darkest of it all, please know that it will get better and you will find happiness and you will smile again. Despair wants to stay a permanent fixture in you, but you need to kick it out, because it will only sink you deeper into your despair. Remain strong, because only when you are strong, can we surmount more than we think we are capable of.
Sending you all a big virtual hug! I hope you smile today...not just once, but multiple times.
SM
We have all seen them on social media, some quite creative and funny, and others very touching and moving. A new baby is always a blessing and brings such joy to any family.
However, when you are the infertile one in the family or in your group of friends, you find it hard to be happy because you feel as though you are excluded from a group that you so desperately want to be a part of...that was my case for the longest time! Still is, in some way.
It wasn't until our third year of infertility that it got increasingly harder to be happy when my family made pregnancy announcements. There was always joy in me, but also, I could sense pity from my family - or so, that is what I thought - and it was becoming harder and harder to hide my sadness. The worse fear I had was that all of them would be pregnant...which happened and I wanted to die. I felt like I was being punished and that I was blackballed from the "pregger" club. It was such a time of darkness.
Yet, I never showed how I truly felt because I did not want to take away their great joy and I did not want to be branded the "jealous" one. And so, I played my act quite well. I expressed joy and happiness in front of them but when alone, I cried and felt like a part of me was dying. It was as if this huge black hole was underneath me and was slowly taking me in and no amount of pulling out of it would work...
Did I have my own pregnancy announcements ideas? Of course!! I had one where I placed three pairs of glasses with one of them being for a baby, since both my husband and I wear glasses. I envisioned bringing balloons home with the caption: BABY ON THE WAY! I had these theme ideas for dinner in case I was to announce it to him during super. And, of course, I played out how we would announce our families.
But, the sad and harsh reality is that I never will get to have my own pregnancy announcement. Because when you adopt, you have a "so, we have been matched to a birthmom"...and then, everyone looks at you as if they have no idea what that means. Technically, it means we will be parents, but only if the birth consents are signed by the birthparents. So, it's a very different experience because no one really knows what to say...it gets awkward and then, somewhat dumb questions arise: oh, it's a white kid, right? oh, what do you know about the parents? are they drug-addicts??? Anyways, this will be another post - the amount of ridiculous assumptions that people make and the most dumbest or down right cruel things will tell you when you adopt or are about to. Watch out for that!!
Now that we have our children, it does not hurt as much when I hear pregnancy announcements. I had to accept my reality and also come to terms that I just had different pregnancy announcements and that was that!
There comes a point when one needs to just accept her journey and either embrace it or being sad perpetually. I wanted to embrace it because I did not want to be sad, mad, envious...that is too much to carry on a daily basis and life is short and each day should be lived as though it is your last.
Have you been in that situation where it seems all you see are pregnancy announcements? Do you know someone who is?
I may not know where you may be in your infertility journey, but if you are in that darkest of it all, please know that it will get better and you will find happiness and you will smile again. Despair wants to stay a permanent fixture in you, but you need to kick it out, because it will only sink you deeper into your despair. Remain strong, because only when you are strong, can we surmount more than we think we are capable of.
Sending you all a big virtual hug! I hope you smile today...not just once, but multiple times.
SM
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