It's okay to not attend those baby showers...
Hello everyone,
Hope everyone is having a great Monday.
I received an email this past weekend and it prompted me to pop in and write about it ben okay NOT to attend baby showers when you have infertility or are struggling with conceiving.
It seems that unless you have infertility, you just cannot process what it feels like for someone like me to attend your baby shower.
And let me be very clear. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with being jealous or envious. It has more to do with that feeling of shame and of not belonging because you know or are starting to realize that you will never have a baby shower of your own.
I only attended one. It was my cousin's girlfriend who was expecting and I was single at the time, so having a baby was just not on my radar. Then, most of my colleagues or friends were not in the marriage phase or having babies phase. Then, we moved to the USA where I still knew no one. Oh wait...yes, I did attend another one here...but it was at a restaurant and it felt more like a birthday party...
But, no...I have not attended one in years and I have no intention of ever attending one. It is just not a place where I feel that I can be.
And if others feel that it is selfish of me, they can think that because I cannot control what others think of me, but I can control the emotions that I will put myself through. And there is no need for me to just put myself in a position where very uncomfortable and uncalled for questions will be asked.
This friend that prompted this post is struggling with known infertility and she was bombarded with such a rude question and she came home just crumbling in anger and pain. I told her that she does not need to attend those events...she really does not have to.
Yes, people will tell you to get over it, but until you know what it feels like to be told that you will never conceive...you have no right to tell me that I need to attend a baby shower.
They say you need to be kind to others, but you also need to be kind to yourself. There is no need to play the hero or the graceful one at all times...it's okay to not attend.
I actually don't even pay attention to the newborn pics in the hospital of my family because I don't have those moments...my husband and I will never have that first look and hold...we won't have that first contact...and so, I quickly erase those pics from my phone..and that is okay. It does not make me a bad person, it makes me a person that has the right to boundaries and I am learning how to keep my own.
If you are in my situation, please be kind to yourself and don't let yourself be pressured into attending events with children. They will hurt and you are already hurting. When you will be ready to attend them, you will know. But give yourself some kindness and boundaries.
SM
Hope everyone is having a great Monday.
I received an email this past weekend and it prompted me to pop in and write about it ben okay NOT to attend baby showers when you have infertility or are struggling with conceiving.
It seems that unless you have infertility, you just cannot process what it feels like for someone like me to attend your baby shower.
And let me be very clear. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with being jealous or envious. It has more to do with that feeling of shame and of not belonging because you know or are starting to realize that you will never have a baby shower of your own.
I only attended one. It was my cousin's girlfriend who was expecting and I was single at the time, so having a baby was just not on my radar. Then, most of my colleagues or friends were not in the marriage phase or having babies phase. Then, we moved to the USA where I still knew no one. Oh wait...yes, I did attend another one here...but it was at a restaurant and it felt more like a birthday party...
But, no...I have not attended one in years and I have no intention of ever attending one. It is just not a place where I feel that I can be.
And if others feel that it is selfish of me, they can think that because I cannot control what others think of me, but I can control the emotions that I will put myself through. And there is no need for me to just put myself in a position where very uncomfortable and uncalled for questions will be asked.
This friend that prompted this post is struggling with known infertility and she was bombarded with such a rude question and she came home just crumbling in anger and pain. I told her that she does not need to attend those events...she really does not have to.
Yes, people will tell you to get over it, but until you know what it feels like to be told that you will never conceive...you have no right to tell me that I need to attend a baby shower.
They say you need to be kind to others, but you also need to be kind to yourself. There is no need to play the hero or the graceful one at all times...it's okay to not attend.
I actually don't even pay attention to the newborn pics in the hospital of my family because I don't have those moments...my husband and I will never have that first look and hold...we won't have that first contact...and so, I quickly erase those pics from my phone..and that is okay. It does not make me a bad person, it makes me a person that has the right to boundaries and I am learning how to keep my own.
If you are in my situation, please be kind to yourself and don't let yourself be pressured into attending events with children. They will hurt and you are already hurting. When you will be ready to attend them, you will know. But give yourself some kindness and boundaries.
SM
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