My motherhood journey - not what I expected!

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is keeping warm. Back in my hometown, they are expecting about 14 inches of snow...yikes. For those who are not having a good day, I do hope that it gets better. TRIGGER WARNING - Before you keep reading, I will writing about my miscarriage. If this triggers you, then I suggest you skip this post or read it when you are able. When Pope Francis became Pope, I was lying in bed miscarrying our first and only biological child. Isn't it ironic that we remember such event when something tragic happens to us. For example, those who were old enough for 9\11, remember exactly where they were when that tragedy occurred. As I saw our new Pope come out on the balcony, everyone was cheering. I, alone in our bedroom, laid there losing the most precious thing that I could not save. What a contrast to the happiness that most were experiencing as Pope Francis came out and cheered all in the crowd. During the months of March and November, I am sad. I am sad ...

Hello everyone, I hope you are all having a great day. For those of you who are not, I hope it does get better. If it has been rough, know that every storm passes. Some can take longer than you would expect, but they all pass. Today, I want to tackle the paperwork required when you begin an adoption process. The first adoption is the most overwhelming one. It's your first time and it is a lot to take in. But, if you take it step by step, it can be a smooth process...although, honestly, it will have its challenges. But remember that you are not doing this alone. You have your spouse and your social worker is there to help you as well. The paperwork that this post is dealing with is the one that comes with your home study. Most of it will be documents regarding your marital status, citizenship, employment and other matters related to your family. If you have children, you will need to file CPS (Child Protective Services) reports to prove there are no files against you. You will...

Hello everyone, I hope you are well. We left for a week to visit family. It was nice but it was nicer to come home and back into our own beds. If you are having a bad day, I hope it gets better. No matter the darkness, you can overcome it. Do not let despair get the best of you. This past weekend, we were at Walmart and the lady at the cash register looked at our kids and asked: Is she yours?  Even though I am used to comments, some just get to me more than others...that is one of those that irks me. As usual, I always reply politely because in a little while, our kids will be able to understand. I immediately looked at her and smiled and said: Yes, they are both ours, we adopted them. I thought it would end there, but her next question caught me completely off guard. She asked: Is she yours yours? Again, I replied saying that she was our daughter, as he was our son, and that we had adopted them both. She then smiled and said she was adopted as well. She told me a bit abo...

Hello everyone, I hope you are having a good day. If you are not, know that I so hope and pray that your day gets better - if not today, then, in the days to come. "How come you don't have children of your own?" Simple question, but not so simple to answer. In our case, we did try for several years to grow our family, the "natural" way. I charted my cycles, I took hormones to supplement what I lacked. I started to lose more weight and watch what I ate. Then, we miscarried and it broke me. Several years later, after surgery and a slew of medications which made me feel worse instead of better, we pulled the plug! We did not give up, in any way. What we did was accept the reality that we could not grow our family, the "natural" way. We also came both to the realization that what we really wanted was to become parents and not just have a baby! From that moment on, it became easier to just go on living. The pressure of waiting for our fertile wi...

Hello everyone, I hope your day is going well. Mine started with some good news from my doctor, but not so good news from our plumber...but, the good thing is that it can be taken care of. If your day is not going well, then, I am hoping that it will get better. For those who are still in that rough patch, I am keeping you in prayer and thoughts. Today, let's examine this question: "Will the child go back to his\her parents?" There are so many layers to this question that I am not sure where to begin. So, I have chosen to start with the whole "parent" thing. I can understand that it can be hard to see adoptive parents as parents. But, guess what? We are parents. Yes, even though we adopted, WE ARE PARENTS. We may have become parents a different way, but adoption, in no way, erases that we are the parents. In an adoption, you have the adoptive parents and the birthparents. As such, the question should instead be: Will the child go back to his\her birthp...

Hello everyone, I am writing later in the day - we had our final home study meeting earlier. Now, the clock ticks as to when the phone call will come in...but all in God's time. I hope you had a great day. If it was not a good one, I am sorry about it. I hope it gets better, if not today, within the next few days. I get a lot of questions from friends and family as to how we provide updates to our birthparents. I thought of going through how and what we do for our updates. Just as a disclaimer, this is how we do it in our state. It may be entirely different in your state or country, but it may give you some pointers or help you understand what it entails when adoptive parents provide updates. Depending on the schedule that you will need to follow, you will have to submit, most often via a web portal, letters and pictures of your child. This is done, mainly, to help reinforce the decision that the birthparent took. It also allows us to show how their precious gift is doing a...

Hello everyone, I hope you are all having a great day. If your day started rough or got rough, know that I do hope that it will get better and brighter. If it's a rough patch, remember that all rough patches smooth out, but all in time. Trust me, I have been there. We recently published our adoption updates for the kids. Each time, there is a mix of joy and sadness that comes with preparing those updates. I also have been reflecting on how our experience has been with having a closed adoption with our children. First, if you are unfamiliar with adoption, you may be wondering what a closed adoption is. When you begin an adoption process, one the many things you need to discern is if you wish to have a closed or open adoption. An open adoption is one where the identities of the birthparents are known. There is also contact with the birthparents. The amount of contact can be determined at the start of the process or as things progress while always keeping the child's inter...

Hello everyone, I hope that everyone is having a good day. In my hometown, they are expecting up to twenty inches of snow - yeah, not missing that snow! If your day is not going that great - know that I am truly hoping that it does get better - if not today, then in the days to come. Today, I want to tackle a sensitive subject. I wanted to talk about grieving the biological child you never had. For some, it is a miscarriage and never being to get pregnant again. For some, it's never having been able to get pregnant naturally. Yeah, quite the sensitive topics, but I feel the need to write about it. In our case, we experienced a miscarriage and were never able to get pregnant again. It happened seven years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about our baby. It hits me more around the time of conception and birth. Time has been a great healer, but the pain never leaves. It just lies dormant and resurfaces from time to time, just not as strong. The most important I...

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a great day! If you are not, I am sorry about that and I hope that it does get better. Today, I wanted to share about our experience with meeting a birthmom. If you adopt, you may have the chance to meet her and you may be wondering what to say or what to do or how to feel. This is my experience and what I have learned. Just as a disclaimer, I am not an adoption expert. I am simply sharing my story and my experience. When we received news of our adoption match, we were so excited. After so many years of grief and wait, we were now closer to becoming parents. Yet, we were nervous about one thing: meeting the birthmom. We had read about how to act, what to say and what to expect, but to be honest, only when you go through it can you get the full experience. With our daughter, we had a meeting together with some phone calls with her birthmom. The first conversation was so weird. We were at my parents for Christmas and the only place we c...

Hello everyone, I hope that you are having a good day. If you are not, I hope it does get better. Going back to the adoption series, I wanted to write about the decisions that you will need to make, once you are ready to go through the adoption route. As I go through them, I will share which ones we chose and why. The first thing you will need to consider is which agency you will use to help you with your adoption. After searching the web, you will notice that there are several options that are offered to you. You can go with your local adoption agency, a law firm, a larger-scale organization or a faith-based organization. Your decision will vary depending on your goals, the costs, the timeline, your immigration status or any other factor which would impact which organization you wish to choose. We chose to work with the local law firm. To be fair, because of our immigration status, we thought it safer to go with a law firm. We wanted to ensure that all the legal documents ...

Hello everyone, I hope you are all having a great day. If there are any Super Bowl fans out there, I am sure you are either happy or upset about who won. Personally, I am a soccer fan, but I do know what it is like to hope and pray that your team wins. In the event that your day is not going so well, I hope it gets better - Mondays are never easy, much less when they start off badly. I was going to continue on my Adoption Series, but I had something that I wanted to share and get out of my heart. Once it will be done, I can move on from it and look forward. Quite often, people think that because you adopt, you no longer suffer with your infertility. It seems as if because you now have children, your infertility has somehow magically disappeared. Wish that was the case, but things don't work that way. What I need people to understand is that because we adopt, our infertility does not go away. My infertility is still very much present. It reminds me of its presence each mon...