Why I am Sad Two Months out of the Year
Hello everyone,
I hope everyone is keeping warm. Back in my hometown, they are expecting about 14 inches of snow...yikes. For those who are not having a good day, I do hope that it gets better.
TRIGGER WARNING - Before you keep reading, I will writing about my miscarriage. If this triggers you, then I suggest you skip this post or read it when you are able.
When Pope Francis became Pope, I was lying in bed miscarrying our first and only biological child. Isn't it ironic that we remember such event when something tragic happens to us. For example, those who were old enough for 9\11, remember exactly where they were when that tragedy occurred.
As I saw our new Pope come out on the balcony, everyone was cheering. I, alone in our bedroom, laid there losing the most precious thing that I could not save. What a contrast to the happiness that most were experiencing as Pope Francis came out and cheered all in the crowd.
During the months of March and November, I am sad. I am sad on other months, but during these two particular months, I experience a different type of sadness. It's a lingering sadness and my mind goes to that place where I wonder what life would have been like if she had lived.
After it happened, I often wondered who she would have looked like. What would have been her favorite color, book, toy, song... Then, as time passed, those thoughts became less and less frequent. I took the time to grieve, but it was becoming to be pointless to keep hanging on to that sadness and loss. I had to think of my husband and our next option - adoption.
As painful and heartbreaking as it was to lose her, she thought me so much over the last few years. Her loss strengthened our marriage because at that time of crisis, we remembered how wedding vows - in sickness and health and for better and worse. We also learned a harsh lesson that we weren't owed anything. Everything is a gift and we are privileged to even be given a new day of life.
But the biggest lesson was learning to accept God's will. To accept that his plan is the best plan for us. We did not understand why it happened but we know and trust that God knew best. I will admit that I am completely understanding but I do trust that God did what was best for us, at that time.
In times of sadness, it is difficult to see that a light will come shining through all that darkness. But, it does come, when we are ready to let it happen and we are ready to just let go of all the pain.
It has been seven years now. And now, I smile when I think of her. I do feel some sadness, but smile knowing that she is now looking down on us and praying for our growing family.
If you have miscarried or are going through it, know that you are not alone. I will keep you all in prayer and hold you in my heart - even if I may never see you.
SM
I hope everyone is keeping warm. Back in my hometown, they are expecting about 14 inches of snow...yikes. For those who are not having a good day, I do hope that it gets better.
TRIGGER WARNING - Before you keep reading, I will writing about my miscarriage. If this triggers you, then I suggest you skip this post or read it when you are able.
When Pope Francis became Pope, I was lying in bed miscarrying our first and only biological child. Isn't it ironic that we remember such event when something tragic happens to us. For example, those who were old enough for 9\11, remember exactly where they were when that tragedy occurred.
As I saw our new Pope come out on the balcony, everyone was cheering. I, alone in our bedroom, laid there losing the most precious thing that I could not save. What a contrast to the happiness that most were experiencing as Pope Francis came out and cheered all in the crowd.
During the months of March and November, I am sad. I am sad on other months, but during these two particular months, I experience a different type of sadness. It's a lingering sadness and my mind goes to that place where I wonder what life would have been like if she had lived.
After it happened, I often wondered who she would have looked like. What would have been her favorite color, book, toy, song... Then, as time passed, those thoughts became less and less frequent. I took the time to grieve, but it was becoming to be pointless to keep hanging on to that sadness and loss. I had to think of my husband and our next option - adoption.
As painful and heartbreaking as it was to lose her, she thought me so much over the last few years. Her loss strengthened our marriage because at that time of crisis, we remembered how wedding vows - in sickness and health and for better and worse. We also learned a harsh lesson that we weren't owed anything. Everything is a gift and we are privileged to even be given a new day of life.
But the biggest lesson was learning to accept God's will. To accept that his plan is the best plan for us. We did not understand why it happened but we know and trust that God knew best. I will admit that I am completely understanding but I do trust that God did what was best for us, at that time.
In times of sadness, it is difficult to see that a light will come shining through all that darkness. But, it does come, when we are ready to let it happen and we are ready to just let go of all the pain.
It has been seven years now. And now, I smile when I think of her. I do feel some sadness, but smile knowing that she is now looking down on us and praying for our growing family.
If you have miscarried or are going through it, know that you are not alone. I will keep you all in prayer and hold you in my heart - even if I may never see you.
SM
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