My motherhood journey - not what I expected!

Hello everyone, Depending on the type of adoption you will have: open or closed. You still need to keep the birthparents updated on what is going on with the child that they so lovingly chose you for. We, personally have closed adoptions and so, only pictures and letters are how we get to provide them with all the information that they wish to know. We also make sure that if they have any questions or wish to know something in particular, that we are more than welcome to let them know. Here are some tips: 1) Make sure that you are giving as much information as you can When the kids are small, it is impossible to have them participate in this process. Therefore, remember to provide information on their growth, development, milestones (crawling, teething, walking, first words) and any other information that would be pertinent to them. If a Holiday took place or a special family event, make sure to include it and detail it. Remember to write in simple sentences as this is not a leg...

Hello everyone, Yes, there are hard questions that come when you adopt a child. And often, the conversation goes well...but some issues will be harder to tackle. We already know that we will have some difficult conversations. It sort of helps that our kids have similar stories and so, we will have practiced with our oldest and then be more capable with the youngest. I am not sure how to best do this, but I do know that keeping the lines of communication open and also letting them know that you are there for them. Honesty is also a great asset and it is okay to say: I don't know. It's better to say that than to make up a story so that they are not hurt. We cannot and should not shelter them. It is best if they hear it from you than from a stranger. Also, your social worker is there for you and they can help you with any tricky situations that may arise. Read about it and ask for resources so that you can have somewhat of an idea how to even start the conversation. Li...

Hello everyone, I am sorry for the long absence. I was sick and had an exam to give in...so, I had to remove what I could in order to get things done and recover. I wanted to address something that is to be expected when you adopt. There are times when your children wish to meet their birthparents. And as scary as it may be, I think it's important to see this from a different perspective, that is less scary. Depending on the situation, your adoption may be closed and that means that there is absolutely no contact with the birthparents. The only thing that is shared are pictures and letters. That is the type of adoption we have with both our children. We have always been open to them wishing to meet their birthparents in the future, because we can understand that they may want to know where they came from. And it can be a frightening experience, but as long as it is well done, it can and should be more of a wonderful and enriching experience for all. To be honest, I do hope tha...

Hello everyone, I wanted to address something that I get asked, quite often: So, where are their Mothers? Another variation would be: So, what do you know about their parents? Either way, it still hurts to have someone ask that question. And although, our children are too young to fully comprehend, they will soon enough and they will be the ones answering. Now, I can fully understand that someone would be curious because our children don't look like us, but that does not mean that they are not our children. Yet, I can comprehend people being curious. However, why are they all assuming that we are not the parents, that I am not the Mother? That is what hurts most..because when they ask that question, they don't know my story. Now, my first instinct is to be snarky, but knowing that I need to be an example to my my kids, I prefer to be more diplomatic and take this opportunity as more of a teaching moment. You would be surprised at how many people don't know much about ...

Hello everyone, If you have adopted or are currently in the process of adopting, you have either experienced a failed adoption (sometimes more than one) or are afraid to experience one. We had been very lucky with our first adoption and thought our second one would be as breezy...but we were in for a surprise. It started fairly quickly after we had already started the paperwork...actually less time than with our first one. I remember receiving the text message and was shaking. As we started to speak to the lawyer, for some reason, I started to have this sinking feeling. I cannot quite express it in words, but it was so powerful that after we hung up, I was not excited at all. My husband was and I felt bad that I wasn't...but I was honest about it. He told me to pray about it and go from there. It took me forty-eight hours to agree and I will be honest - I was totally into it, but I saw how excited my husband was and I didn't want to pass up an opportunity because I wa...

Hello everyone, When we first started telling people that we were adopting, many asked about the whole "attachment" issue. What if I don't attach to the baby? What if I don't love him\her? What if they don't attach me? And this is a genuine fear or concern, but it should be addressed because there really is nothing to fear or be concerned about. However, since I am not an expert in this, I am going to speak about my own experience only. If you wish to know more about this, I recommend that you read up on it on your local adoption agency. I remember having a conversation with someone who had adopted and they, unfortunately, ended-up having attachment issues with their child. It was still present, although their child is now in their teenage years. When this person speaks to me about this adoption, it is clear that there is some trauma regarding attachment because she keeps asking how I am doing with both of our adopted children...and I always feel so blessed ...

Hello everyone, So, you have been matched with a birthmom. You are excited and you just cannot believe that in a few weeks or months, you will have a baby or child in your house! Then, something happens...you either start to learn more about the birthparent and it is making you anxious or friends or relatives have made comments about your match. Slowly your excitement begins to fade to the point that you are wondering if you did the right thing. Is it okay to say NO, after you have said YES??? Well, no, it's not okay. It's actually very frowned upon to do such a thing, because this birthparent has already gone through so much and they took their time to choose you. Also, a bond between you and them may have already started and it can get very awkward and messy. Now, am I saying that it hasn't been done? OF COURSE NOT!! It has been done and still keeps happening. But just because something has been done before, it does not mean that it's the right thing to do. ...

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing excellent on this lovely Monday - if the weather is crappy where you are, remember to smile...it helps! ...sometimes Just wanted to come by and write about something that is not often addressed when you start an adoption process. It's one of the stressful parts of the journey and can be difficult to get through. We have been fairly lucky with our adoptions - one we waited about a month before we got the call and with our second one, we waited about five months. But we know of couples that waited a year or more. And the delay in getting a call is very random from couple to couple. In the end, we never can tell what attracts a birthparent to you. I will address that n a future post. And whether the delay is short or long, it is still stressful to wait for that call. And you may think that it will only happen during business hours, but NOPE...you can get a call on a weekend, early in the morning or very late at night. And, it will happen wh...