Keeping the birthparents updated - how to do it
Hello everyone,
Depending on the type of adoption you will have: open or closed. You still need to keep the birthparents updated on what is going on with the child that they so lovingly chose you for. We, personally have closed adoptions and so, only pictures and letters are how we get to provide them with all the information that they wish to know. We also make sure that if they have any questions or wish to know something in particular, that we are more than welcome to let them know.
Here are some tips:
1) Make sure that you are giving as much information as you can
When the kids are small, it is impossible to have them participate in this process. Therefore, remember to provide information on their growth, development, milestones (crawling, teething, walking, first words) and any other information that would be pertinent to them. If a Holiday took place or a special family event, make sure to include it and detail it. Remember to write in simple sentences as this is not a legal or business letter. You want to be seen as someone approachable and not sound too off-putting.
2) Provide pictures that capture the best moments
Once, while speaking with our lawyer, we were told of a couple that had provided pictures of the baby crying and blurry. They were so bad that the birthparents contacted them and shared their concerns. Therefore, be mindful of the pictures you are sharing. Make sure that the pictures show your child in happy and funny poses and offer a variety of backgrounds. Do not just provide many pictures of the same outing and with only the baby. You want to be able to provide them with a glimpse into your baby's life. You want to put their mind at ease that they were welcomed into a loving family.
Another tip, if the next album is months aways, insert more pictures because they won't get any for a while. They will appreciate it..trust me!
3) Respect your deadlines when having to upload an album
Depending on who your portal, you will need to upload your albums at particular times. For example, with ours, we need to provide updates at two weeks, one, two, four, six, and nine months and then one year, 18 months and then once a year. Others may have different schedules, but regardless, it is your responsibility to ensure that you are uploading according to your schedule. It is not only the right thing to do but also the most respectful thing to do. If you will be out of town, upload the album a little earlier or ask for more time, if you need it.
4) Be honest in what you are sharing
Don't sugar coat things...just be honest and share what is really going on. If you baby is having a hard time with sleep, teething or at school, you need to be upfront with them. Remember that later in life, your child may want to meet their birthparents and they will share with them what they have been through...so, don't lie about things and just be honest. We may think that if we share negative things, the birthparents will come and take the child back, but you know that is impossible. So, write your letter as though you were them and wanted to know as much as you could. Also, always ask them in the letter if they want to know about something in particular or would like pictures of a particular time. For example, a birthmom would maybe prefer not to see pictures with other family members...just be open to their requests, should they have any.
5) Put in care and thought and love
Don't provide an update the night before and just write some generic text...be kind and mindful. We insert captions in your pictures so that they know who the person is or where they are. Make sure your pictures are not blurry or don't capture your child. If there are siblings, it is okay to insert them in the updates, but as long as the main focus is the child for whom you are providing an update.
I could go on and on about this...but this gives you a good insight into how to prepare for those updates. We take about a week to upload the pictures, insert the captions and write the letter - the letter is what takes the most time because you want to make sure you insert as much as you can.
Another thing I would like to add is that, depending on the portal you are using, you may be able to see how many times the albums have been viewed. It's always a great feeling to know that the updates have been looked at. However, be prepared that there may be a time when they are not. We have experienced it and it's a something that saddens me. But, it does not belong to me and I have to remind myself that they are wanting to move on with their lives and maybe it is getting hard to just keep seeing them grow and them not being present... When and if it happens, pray for them.
Hope this was helpful!
Have a great day everyone!
SM
Depending on the type of adoption you will have: open or closed. You still need to keep the birthparents updated on what is going on with the child that they so lovingly chose you for. We, personally have closed adoptions and so, only pictures and letters are how we get to provide them with all the information that they wish to know. We also make sure that if they have any questions or wish to know something in particular, that we are more than welcome to let them know.
Here are some tips:
1) Make sure that you are giving as much information as you can
When the kids are small, it is impossible to have them participate in this process. Therefore, remember to provide information on their growth, development, milestones (crawling, teething, walking, first words) and any other information that would be pertinent to them. If a Holiday took place or a special family event, make sure to include it and detail it. Remember to write in simple sentences as this is not a legal or business letter. You want to be seen as someone approachable and not sound too off-putting.
2) Provide pictures that capture the best moments
Once, while speaking with our lawyer, we were told of a couple that had provided pictures of the baby crying and blurry. They were so bad that the birthparents contacted them and shared their concerns. Therefore, be mindful of the pictures you are sharing. Make sure that the pictures show your child in happy and funny poses and offer a variety of backgrounds. Do not just provide many pictures of the same outing and with only the baby. You want to be able to provide them with a glimpse into your baby's life. You want to put their mind at ease that they were welcomed into a loving family.
Another tip, if the next album is months aways, insert more pictures because they won't get any for a while. They will appreciate it..trust me!
3) Respect your deadlines when having to upload an album
Depending on who your portal, you will need to upload your albums at particular times. For example, with ours, we need to provide updates at two weeks, one, two, four, six, and nine months and then one year, 18 months and then once a year. Others may have different schedules, but regardless, it is your responsibility to ensure that you are uploading according to your schedule. It is not only the right thing to do but also the most respectful thing to do. If you will be out of town, upload the album a little earlier or ask for more time, if you need it.
4) Be honest in what you are sharing
Don't sugar coat things...just be honest and share what is really going on. If you baby is having a hard time with sleep, teething or at school, you need to be upfront with them. Remember that later in life, your child may want to meet their birthparents and they will share with them what they have been through...so, don't lie about things and just be honest. We may think that if we share negative things, the birthparents will come and take the child back, but you know that is impossible. So, write your letter as though you were them and wanted to know as much as you could. Also, always ask them in the letter if they want to know about something in particular or would like pictures of a particular time. For example, a birthmom would maybe prefer not to see pictures with other family members...just be open to their requests, should they have any.
5) Put in care and thought and love
Don't provide an update the night before and just write some generic text...be kind and mindful. We insert captions in your pictures so that they know who the person is or where they are. Make sure your pictures are not blurry or don't capture your child. If there are siblings, it is okay to insert them in the updates, but as long as the main focus is the child for whom you are providing an update.
I could go on and on about this...but this gives you a good insight into how to prepare for those updates. We take about a week to upload the pictures, insert the captions and write the letter - the letter is what takes the most time because you want to make sure you insert as much as you can.
Another thing I would like to add is that, depending on the portal you are using, you may be able to see how many times the albums have been viewed. It's always a great feeling to know that the updates have been looked at. However, be prepared that there may be a time when they are not. We have experienced it and it's a something that saddens me. But, it does not belong to me and I have to remind myself that they are wanting to move on with their lives and maybe it is getting hard to just keep seeing them grow and them not being present... When and if it happens, pray for them.
Hope this was helpful!
Have a great day everyone!
SM
Comments