Our Adoption Story - Adoption #1

Hello everyone,

I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed.

Everyone has a story - dating story, engagement story, wedding story, loss, adoption and any story related to an important life event. For this reason, I have decided to start a six-part series on our adoption journey. The posts will recount the events that took place before and after bringing our children home. As a disclaimer, this is our story and it may look very different from yours or the story you have heard from a friend.

So, let's begin!

In 2017, we received our Green Card. For those of you who are not familiar with this, it is essentially a government issued document that provides you with permanent resident status in a country. As Canadians living in the United States, this Green Card - who is actually green - you need this to work in the country. In our case, we also needed it to allow us to proceed with an adoption. I will never forget the day it arrived in our mail box. I, literally, ran back to our home holding the letter proudly in my hand! My heart was pounding as I knew the best was yet to come.

Once the Green Card arrived, we emailed our lawyers and told them we had the "green" light and could move ahead with our first adoption. Once the process started, we were bombarded with an overwhelming amount of legal documents, checklists and, obviously, a retention fee. Once that was taken care of, we were put in touch with an adoption agency for our home study. A social worker was assigned to us and we scheduled all the required meetings. 

The whole adoption process - before the baby - is comprised of many legal and non legal documents. You also need to prepare a photo album with stories and letters to provide a more in-depth picture of who you are as individuals and a family. We were lucky to have a friend who was a photographer and another who was an editor to help us out. 

We started in October of 2017 and by early December of that year, the work was almost all completed. It went fast as we were eager to become active as prospective adoptive parents. Our final meeting with our social worker was set for mid-December. We had quite the surprise for our social worker at that meeting!

On December 11, 2017, my day started as it usually did. I woke up and started looking at my planner to see what had to be done. I went about my business never thinking that our life would change from one minute to the next.

It was midday when I noticed an unknown number tried to call me. I paid no attention to it and went about my business. About an hour later, the same number called and I ignored it. This time, they left a voicemail. When I heard the voicemail, my heart froze. It was our lawyer letting us know we had been matched to a birthmom. I, immediately called back.

To be honest, that conversation was pretty much a blur. I doubt anyone going through this is able to get through that phone call. It's as if you become stupid and you can't speak or think - all the emotions take over and I was just thankful that she would send me an email confirming what she had said.

I do remember going up and down our stairs - we have two separate staircases. I was just moving around and crying and trying to remember anything she said because I had to tell my husband. She let me know she needed to know if we were willing to be matched so we could move things along. I hung up and called my husband.

My husband never picks up the phone at work - NEVER! But, this time, he did. Unbeknownst to me, he was in a room with all his co-workers and I was on put on the speaker. I was still sobbing and he grew alarmed. Later, he told me his co-workers were looking at him concerned wondering what had happened. Before my husband had time to panic, I told him we had been matched and that it was a little girl. I proceeded to give him more details when it dawned on me that it was strange he had picked up. Quietly, I asked: "Are you alone?" He answered: "No, everyone is here." I stopped dead in my tracks because I was not in a position to share such information to strangers. I told him to call me back when he had a chance.

We had promised not to let our families know until we knew for sure. Yet, I will be honest. I could not keep such a secret from my sister. I called her right after I hung up with my husband and told her. I knew she could keep a secret because I had done the same when she was pregnant with her daughter. 

From there, all these thoughts started to pop in and out of my mind. There was much joy and excitement, but also fear and apprehension. I started to get invested in this woman who had not only chosen life, but had chosen me to love and nurture the child she was carrying in her womb. Wow - I felt honored and blessed.

We were put in contact with her and within a couple of weeks and spoke to her. She was just as nervous as we were. We got to meet her before the little girl was born. She was even more nervous and I was shaking - what if she saw me and thought: Wait! I can't do this! It turned out both her and we were concerned about the same thing: what if we don't go through with it?

As exciting as adoption is, there is a lot of uncertainty attached to it. The weeks which preceded the birth of our little girl were filled with stress. There were days when I felt super excited and could not wait to meet our little girl. Then, there were days when I was consumed with fear and worry about the whole process.

Like anyone going through the process, we all worry about the birthmom changing her mind. We would not be the first one to whom it would happen - but you still pray it does not. You then start to tell people and their excitement got me, at times, more worried than anything else. I feared having to tell them the birthmom changed her mind. It seemed so humiliating. I was already having to grieve so much from being infertile and then, I had to deal with another loss - it was not a pleasant moment to go through.

Many wanted to help with a baby registry - but at one point, I had to tell people to just let me be. I did not want to get too wrapped up with receiving this little girl and end up with all this stuff that I would not be able to use. From that moment, we only got the bare necessities: car seat, bassinet, some clothes and a stroller. We knew that once she would be home, we would have only to hit the checkout button and things would arrive within a few days.

I do remember going to buy her some clothes for the first few days. I had dreams of shopping for our child. But, I was not able to fully enjoy the moment because I was afraid of what might happen - a failed match. I managed to get her some cute pajamas and a nice receiving blanket. I washed them and put everything away. Each time an item was received, we placed it in a corner of our first floor. We were not going to take anything out of the box until it was final. It would have been too devastating to put everything away.

And then, she was born...

Until my next post, be still in waiting.

SM