Joy and Motherhood - I don't always have it!

Hello everyone,

I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed.

I have a three, almost two and a one year old. We were very blessed at each adoption process and were matched with a birthmom fairly quickly. As such, we adopted three children within twenty-six months. Was it planned? Not at all! And before you ask, let me say that for each of them, we never hesitated and welcomed them in our home, without any reservations.

Was it challenging? Obviously, it was! I would be lying if I said it was all rosy and perfect. When we adopted our oldest son, it was very rough with our daughter - who happened to be in the middle of teething - and each day, it was a mix of screaming matches and tantrums. But, it passed and we got some help because my mental health was taking a huge hit.

When it came to adopting our youngest son, it was challenging. We had a two year old, an almost one year and a premiee. The challenge was not so much having another child, but the tragic reality that we were at the beginning of a pandemic! While many complained of being bored and having nothing to do, we were constantly on the move and were never bored.

Fast-forward one year later, we are still in a pandemic - fun! But, we have a three year old, an almost two year old and a one year old who recently started to walk. Yes, we have three fully mobile children and life just got more interesting!

They say motherhood is rewarding. I can believe it. Moms around me keep saying that their kids bring them so much joy. I kinda believe it... You see, I have to be honest. I don't always feel joy with my kids. There are days when the sound of their screams drown the house to the point where I just want to hide in my closet and let them figure it out.

Then, I realize that I have a three year old, an almost two year old and a one year old....and that is a lot! Each day is different but the same. Some days, my oldest has not slept well and will be in an awful mood all day. The next day, she is happy, but the middle one woke up cranky and decided to walk over, literally walk over, the youngest all day. Then, the next day, it will be the youngest who will decide that he wants to have a bad day too... While each day is different, it ends up being the same.

There are days when I go to bed and I am actually happy that I am not with the kids. I just lay there and feel completely deflated - and I have nothing else to give to anyone else. Those days usually take place when the kids are particularly challenging and no amount of toys or activities is calming them down. They are not occurring as much, but they still do - because I have a three year old, an almost two year old and a one year old... I know that I am repeating this, but I want to drive my point to you in the clearest way possible.

It took me a while to accept it but it's okay to not always feel joy in motherhood. It's okay because I am not going to be that mom that will look put together always and pretend that everything is okay. I will be the mom that will always love her children, but on occasion, I will need a break from them. I will need to take the time to recharge my batteries so that I can go back to them all fresh and ready to go.

Getting educated on parenting such young children, I have learned that I am not alone. Many moms, if not all, go through these phases of joyful and unjoyful moments. There are many who blog about and there are some good books out there to help you get some tips and tricks. I have also found Pinterest to be quite useful - lots of ideas I have implemented come from Pinterest posts. 

All in all, motherhood is like a roller-coaster. You get a huge high and then, you go down and all hell breaks loose and you get super scared and you want to go back to the top. It won't always be fun, because parenting is not supposed to be fun at all times. Being a parent means having to make tough decisions that will shape your kids to become holy and virtuous kids. Being a parent is not being a friend - that's a fact!

Nowadays, I take each day as it comes. I breathe more and just accept more and let go more. I have my good days and my bad days. Yet, on my bad days, I try to find joy in any little thing that I can. For example, a few nights ago, our middle child started screaming in the middle of the night. It was tough to wake up and go to him - but, at least, he did not wake up the other two - there, I found some joy!

How are you doing Mama? Do you need to have your batteries recharged? Do you need help? It's okay to ask and it does not make you a bad mom, it makes you a better mom!

Until my next post, be still in waiting.

SM