Waiting to be Matched with a Birthmom - How to Handle it!

Hello everyone,

I hope this post finds you all healthy and safe. Remember to do your part in stopping the spread of Covid-19. To all those on the frontlines - we pray for you. To all who are currently infected - we pray for you. To all who have lost someone to Covid (in some cases, whole families) - we pray for you.

Someone I know is currently on the waiting game - the waiting to be matched with a birthmom. I have played that game three times and each time was a bit of everything - exciting, frightening, uncertain... For our daughter, it was a matter of weeks, and for our sons, it was a matter of months (approximately six months). Looking back, it was not such a long time to wait, but when you are going through it, it can become a very daunting experience. 

Here are a few tips\suggestions to help you get through it:

1) STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE

Yes, this is very important. As tempting as it may be, don't attach yourself to your phone. Trust me, if you miss that call, they will leave a message. Staring at the phone or looking at it will not make that call come in faster.

2) Keep to your usual routine

Go about your daily life as you normally would. Go to work, go to Church, go see friends, take care of yourself and your marriage... Do what you normally do and take this time to tackle those projects you have the time for. Once that call comes in and the baby is here - you will have no more time at all, except to give all the snuggles and kisses you can!

3) Pray or meditate when it's too much to handle

Some days will be better than others. On the bad days, the days when you fill your head with negative thoughts (will detail in next tip), prayer or meditation will help you get out of that dark space. I also recommend asking for prayers - you can never get enough prayers. Use a devotional and journal as well - it will help you greatly to put on paper what you are feeling. 

4) Don't let negative thoughts take over

When you first start the process, you are invigorated and you are feeling excited. Once the waiting game begins, you start to lose your excitement - even more when you see that others have already been matched and you are still left waiting. The worst thing to do at that time is let negative thoughts fill your head. 

For example: how come we have not been matched yet? maybe we are too old\young\ugly\boring\ordinary...or whatever you may think you are but really aren't!

Remember that a birthmom does not look for good looks or Instagram or Pinterest perfect families - she is looking for whatever she feels fits with what she wants for her baby. In our case, although I am not at liberty to reveal it, the birthmoms picked us for things we never thought of.

When those negative thoughts enter your head, don't repress them. Feel them and ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Pray or journal about it and then, move on. Don't let them get to you - that will only cause more harm.

5) Read and get support

The whole adoption process is a hard one. If you go at it alone, you will find it even more painful. Reading about it does help. I do caution you when it comes to reading - limit yourself to three books - don't get too overwhelmed!! Asking for help and support through your social worker can also be a good way of getting the resources you need. Find a friend or someone from your adoption classes to connect with - basically, someone that can actually understand what you are going through. I like my friends but none of them had adopted - so, they were not the right people to go to. Not because they were not good friends, but simply because they could not fully comprehend all the emotions that come with adopting.

Seeking a counselor or your priest\pastor may also be a way of getting support. It's not shameful to ask for help - it's actually a good thing!

Waiting is never easy. But how to choose to handle that waiting can make a big difference. Give yourself some kindness and remember that God's timing is always perfect - even if we think our timing is! Take this time of waiting to prepare yourself, your marriage, your family and your home for that precious little one that will transform your life forever!

For all those who are currently in the waiting game, hang in there! You are closer to getting that call than you were when you started the process. You are prayed for and you will get that call - you just need to wait and be patient.

How have you handled the waiting game? Please share and let's build our community.

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy. Remember to wear your mask, wash your hands, social distance and stop the spread of Covid-19.

SM