Adoption and Bonding - Is it Possible?

Hello everyone,

I am so sorry for the very long absence - we had a staycation together with another Covid scare - this time, a positive one. My husband and I are waiting until Friday of this week to see if we develop any symptoms - so far, so good. If you or someone you know is dealing with Covid, hang in there and know you are in our prayers. Please wear your masks, wash your hands and social distance - we are closer to the end than we were back in March, but we still need to be vigilant!

Anyways, I have been thinking about what to write during that chaos and this post idea came to mind. In fact, it is something that many worry about when thinking of adoption. Most fear that they will look at the baby and think: Oh - I don't feel anything for this child... And yes, it is something we also went through but this is just part of the drill and experience of adoption.

What helped me with the whole bonding issue was something that was said during our adoption classes. Obviously, it was the elephant in the room and we were all hoping that it would come up. It was explained very clearly and simply. Bonding happens with time and has nothing to do with giving birth or not. The presenter gave the example of all of us present. As a couple, we bonded over time and we got there with all the time spent together. It made complete sense and relieved a lot of the pressure of not feeling that bond.

But, after we adopted, I think differently. In my experience, I felt an immediate connection with all three, from the moment I saw them. I still remember so vividly how I felt when I laid eyes on them. I noticed my daughter's long fingers and thought she might enjoy piano. I saw our oldest son and thought how much of a big guy he will be when he grows up. I looked at our youngest son and thought that despite the fact that he was a preemie, that he was going to beat all the odds.

It only took one look at each of them and I fell in love. It happened because I had been praying for these children for such a long time. It did not even matter that none of them looked like me - they were my kids and I was finally a mom to a living child. 

If you have concerns about bonding, don't dismiss them. Talk about them with your social worker or someone who has adopted. These are legitimate worries. Know that it is part of the course. Read on the subject and get informed. Don't listen to people who will tell you horrible stories about bonding - those will only feed into your fear and concern. 

Are you concerned about bonding? If you have adopted, how was the bonding process? Please share and let's build our community.

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy.

SM