Do we want to adopt again - FINAL update of 2020!

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. We are all a bit sick here - nothing but cold symptoms, but it has made our days and evenings pretty "snotty". But I am thankful that its just that.

This will be my last update of the year regarding a fourth adoption. It took us a while to come to a final and unanimous answer. I must admit that I feared that my husband and I would differ - but no, we both came to the same conclusion. 

Before I tell you, I just wanted to let you know how we came to our final conclusion. It started a few months ago. With our previous adoptions, the moment we hit the nine month mark (usually, they recommend that you wait nine months from the birth to start another adoption) we would start up all the paperwork. We would assemble new pictures and letters together with all the documents and appointments necessary for the home study (see my post on our home study if you wish to know more about that process). 

This time - we were not even having the conversation. It felt like we were tip toeing around it. Neither wanted to be the one to start talking about it. When we eventually did, he seemed to want to go ahead and I was hesitant. Then, he admitted that it would be okay to stay at three and I still hesitated. But neither of us was yet wanting to have a final say.

While going to Mass one day, I ended-up going to Confession and spoke to our priest about this. I felt conflicted and feared being selfish if I didn't go ahead with another adoption. We asked friends to pray for us regarding this intention. We made a list of pros and cons and compared notes. We prayed and finally did a novena to the Holy Spirit. After that nine day prayer - we had our answer but we had not yet shared it with one another.

In hindsight, I was just afraid that we would have different answers. I didn't want to persuaded to change my mind and I was not willing to change his. It was last Sunday, while feeding the kids in the morning, that he just flat out said: "So, we have prayed about it and now, what is your answer?" Eeck... I felt my heart racing, but had to tell him the truth.

I am not wanting to adopt again. I feel like we have a lot to handle already. We have been extremely blessed with having been able to adopt three beautiful and healthy children in less than 26 months. I felt like there was more pride involved in going at it again than the actual desire of having another child. It is also very overwhelming for me to have two toddlers and an infant. We do have help, but it's a lot to handle as we have no outside help from family and with a pandemic - dates and vacations are not possible. We have had two staycations (one was a disaster) and we are both physically, mentally and emotionally tired and exhausted. I made all my arguments and added that I am willing to revisit in January. Then, I asked him - my heart raced even more.

To my greatest relief, he agreed with me that it was not the right time. He had the same reasons as I had expressed and added that he also took my mental health into consideration (no worries - I will be addressing this in a separate post). And that was that!

Relief - enormous relief - was what I felt when I found out that he was on the same page as I was. It would have been so much harder if we had different answers. I was afraid that he would try to convince me to go ahead with another one. I had already felt pressured once - with our failed adoption - I was not about to repeat the same scenario.

It has been a few days since we spoke of it. Last night, while going to bed, he said that he was at peace with us not going ahead with another adoption. I rejoiced because I felt the same. In fact, I think I have not been open to it from the beginning. I just did not want to say a final no without having fully prayed and discerned it.

Will our minds change in January? Who knows? Maybe or maybe not. I will keep you posted.

Are you thinking about adopting again? Are you both on the same page? How are you making the decision? Please share and let's build our community.

Until my next post, keep safe and healthy! Wear your mask, wash your hands and practice social distancing!

SM