Pregnancy Announcements - Before and After Adopting

Hello everyone,

Hope this post finds you all safe and healthy! Remember to wear your mask, wash your hands and social distance! No, it's not easy and I cannot wait for it to be over - this too shall pass.

Before we knew we had infertility, pregnancy announcements were such joyous events! Then, we found out we had infertility and even after some treatments, we were just not getting pregnant - but others were! Those started being uncomfortable. And then, they became so painful and heartbreaking.

It wasn't that I was not happy for whoever was expecting - not at all! I don't wish infertility on anyone - it is way too painful and hard to go through. But, it served as a reminder that it was not me making the announcement. Each year, I had all these great ideas about how I would announce it to my husband and then my family - I even had some ideas of pictures for social media...but I never got to use any of them.

After we adopted, pregnancy announcements became different. They still affect me because I never had one. All that I have been able to do is tell people that we have been matched. I was not able to see my family enjoy an ultrasound picture, a gender reveal or a baby shower. With our daughter, we had about two months notice, and with our sons, it was a phone call and they were ours within hours. 

People are often surprised that pregnancy announcements still hurt. I get it. I do because why be sad when I have children? And it makes total sense! Yet, it does not. I was not there for most of my children's journey into the world. I have no positive pregnancy test, I have no ultrasound pictures, I have no special ay of telling it to our family, I have no gender reveal, I have no birth story and I had no idea they would be mine until about two days or more after they came into the world. I missed out on a lot with them before they became my children.

And for these reasons, pregnancy announcements are still a bit painful. For example, I have two sisters-in-law who became pregnant this year. It was a joyous event! Two new babies in the family - what a blessing! We...were on the waiting list for another child. We were told it could take longer to be called or matched because we already had two children...and we had been already waiting for about four months. So, we knew they were expecting and I became sad - what about me? why can't I have a pregnancy announcement? Obviously, no one could have ever imagined that within two weeks of knowing about the second baby coming into the family that we would be ones having the first "Pandemic Baby" of 2020! 

Now, does it hurt as much as before we had children? No. It does not. But, it is insensitive to think that it no longer affects us because we have children. And it is insensitive to assume that we no longer should be upset by it... Infertility and all its pain does not go away even when you adopt - it will always be a part of you and your marriage. Be mindful of that. Be mindful of the pain - even if you don't know it. 

How do pregnancy announcements make you feel? Are you currently struggling in your infertility journey and everyone around you is getting pregnant? Do you feel alone? Do you have anyone with who you can share your pain? Are you journaling, praying, reading about it? How are you coping?

Let's build our community - a safe and non-judgmental one. Let's hold ourselves in our pain and confront it.

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy! Do your part in stopping the spread of Covid-19.

SM