Bad Mom Day or Week? You Are Not Alone!

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping safe and healthy!

Bad days are inevitable. They happen to all of us, even our children! However, when it happens to us, adults, we just go ahead with our day and know that it will end. For children, it's a bit more complex...even more when you have a toddler, and two infants. At that age, they have all these emotions and they are unable to process all that anger, frustration, annoyance... It is a mess!!

Last week, our beautiful daughter had a "TODDLER TANTRUM" marathon! It lasted the whole week! I was impressed by how our nanny handled it - I was just amazed at how patient I was the entire time. It was a mix of painful and heartbreaking. I questioned whether she was sick or not - I even took her out for a walk so that I could calm her down. She did have the sniffles, but nothing that could cause such behavior. It was a week where I prayed each day more fervently and felt like the worst mom ever.

For some reason, mom guilt is something that I have mastered over the last three years. The first time our daughter had a fever, I cried. Yes, I cried because I felt like I had not protected her from it... yeah, I can see you rolling your eyes - it was just a small fever and she was fine the next day. But anytime that my kids gets unruly or sick, I always feel as though it was my fault. And last week was no exception.

Obviously, I googled toddler behavior and I found what I was looking for. Would you like to know what I found? So, it turns out that my daughter...well, she is exactly where she needs to be in terms of toddler behavior and development. Yup - all that worrying and she is just being a toddler. I just had to accept it, watch her behavior and attempt to distract her when necessary. I gave her more snuggles and time and this week, she is back to her old kind self. That is toddler world!

Clearly, it has not been the first time that she has had bad days or weeks. Yet, whenever it happens, I go into panic mode and I forget that, just like the other times, it will pass. I have become more patient when it occurs. I distract her and shift her mood quicker. Yet, each time, it is hard because you just wish she could say what she feels. Slowly, I am becoming an expert at toddlers - as our oldest son, only eighteen months, is already displaying toddler behavior. So, what I learned and am still learning with our daughter, I am applying to him. So, that's a good thing!

When these phases appear in our lives, as parents, we all feel the same. We are frustrated, tired, aggravated, impatient, scared, angry and...we feel alone. I will admit that I feel like a bad mom who cannot discipline her kids and who is making them become awful citizens. Then, I remember that if I did not care, I would not be worrying, praying and researching it. I also remind myself that I should be grateful that our kids have these tantrums...why? because there are parents who have to look at their children lying on a hospital bed waiting for a surgery, chemo treatment or are waiting for a diagnosis... 

Taking a step back and putting things in perspective as greatly helped me to get through all that guilt. My kids are discovering things every day. They are becoming more independent and they have individuality! They are unique and they just want to explore. Sometimes, their exploring is loud and obnoxious - but hey, we have some great dance parties and car races in the kitchen! 

No one said it was going to be easy to have children. And we have three small children under the age of three - so, yes, we have all stages back to back. But, they do give us the best laughs, giggles and pauses.  When I take my daughter out for a walk, she stops to look at bugs, rocks, grass, flowers and whatever stick she can find... I indulge her because she is exploring and I should help with that exploration. Now, when I walk, I look around. I would not have started doing that if it had not been for her.

All in all, parents have good days and bad days. The same applies to our children. When it happens, instead of being angry, let yourself have empathy. Remember they cannot process all those emotions and be kind. Teach them how to express themselves - flashcards, books, drawings or whatever means they can respond to. When they have a tantrum, don't panic. Let them be and just make sure they cannot injure themselves. Eventually, they will calm down...eventually.

As for feeling like you are not alone - you are not! All parents have gone through it. It's not a fun time but it does pass. It's easy to feel like we are the only ones who have children who go through this, but truth is - we are not! It helps to talk to others who have already gone through it. It gives me such peace to know that my sister or friend went through the same thing - it makes me feel less lonely. My sister had two children back to back - so, she knows exactly how difficult it can get. She has given me such great advice and support. My husband? he reminds me that I am a good mom (even though I don't think I am)...but it helps to hear it.

Today, our daughter is a toddler day. It does not help that its raining and that we cannot take her outside...but she will be okay. I will give her more loving and caring and tomorrow, or even later today, she will better...because she is a toddler.

Do you have mom guilt? How do you deal with it? Have you dealt with it? Do you feel alone when it happens? Please share and let's build our community.

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy. Do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19.

SM