How Writing Helps Me Heal!

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this you are safe and healthy. Please remember to do your part and stop the spread of Covid-19.

Writing - I have always loved writing. I could not wait to have my own diary. Just like music is my escape from the harshness of the world, so is writing. For one, it allows me to fully express all that is in me - the good, the bad and the, at times, very dark and ugly. It has served as my therapy and release of all the emotions that are filtering through me, at that time. Each day, it is my ritual - writing and listening to one of my YouTube playlists. While I listen to the music, it helps unleash my inner creativeness. 

When I am facing challenging times, writing brings me some solace. With my pen and paper, I let go of my inhibitions and write out my anger, sadness, fear, uncertainty and aggressiveness and it's only for my eyes. For that moment, I am alone with myself and writing it out is almost as effective as a good cry. At times, I cannot help myself and I cry - I allow myself to cry and then resume my writing. For many years now, writing has become my silent companion.

Infertility is hard enough - even more when you are facing it alone. My husband was not wanting to deal with it. It was hard for him and we both lived it very differently and apart - no worries, I will share this part of our journey in a future post. I then resorted to writing. That paper became my sounding board. It never judged me and allowed me to be me, at my rawest. 

I have a friend who is a psychologist. She shared with me that she tells her patients to write out their anger or frustrations before engaging in an argument. When you write, especially when you are angry, you are putting out the first layer of anger. That first layer is, quite often, the loud scream we want to yell out. If we don't release it, privately, one runs the danger of saying things they can no longer take back. I have found it therapeutic to write out my first layer - it has avoided many unnecessary arguments with my spouse, family and friends - I recommend it!

Writing about my infertility felt like I was finally talking about it. When you are going through the awful cross of infertility, you feel this heavy weight of shame, guilt and uncertainty. Putting those thoughts on paper - even more when another pregnancy announcement came about - it helped to put all that sadness on paper. When we had a failed match with our second adoption, I wrote a letter to the mother - it was within a diary entry. I read it the other day - yikes, I doubt I would have ever been able to say those things to her face. Yet, once I had written all that I wanted to say - I found peace. 

Attaining peace is an important step in overcoming any life altering challenge. Writing takes you to that place of forgiveness and acceptance. You may have to write  the same letter or passage several times, but once it is written, you feel the burden of all those negative feelings just wash away from you. 

When I write, I feel a shift in my mood. I can go from being in such a sad state to a much happier one - just because I wrote it out. If I need to share something difficult with someone, writing it down first helps tremendously. For one, it helps you find what it is exactly that is bothering you. Then, it lays out your thought process. This has greatly helped me to prepare my starting points for any discussion.

Emotionally, spiritually and psychologically, writing has become my go to tool. Coupled with therapy and coloring - yes, I like to color - it has been of great importance to my mental health. Living with infertility is a daily reality for me, but writing about my experiences, my losses, trials and tribulations and the joys, has proven to be so healthy for me. I am so glad that I get to do it for a living!

We are all facing uncertain times during this pandemic. It is time to help our mental health and I suggest you try writing. It does work for me, but may not work for you - but you should, at least, give it a try! You don't have to write every day. Find a notebook or journal or make your one and get a pen that you enjoy (I love my Sharpie ones) and just write. It does not have to be novel perfect...it just has to be YOU!

What do you use to help you out when it comes to facing hard challenges? How do you prepare yourself for a serious and important discussion? Please share and let's build our community!

Until my next post, keep safe and healthy. Do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19.

SM