Am I ready for a SURPRISE baby? What does it entail?

Hello everyone,

I hope when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. Allergies are on the rise and the flu season is also close - keep yourself active and healthy!

Two of our children were, what is called "SURPRISE" babies. What does this mean? The answer is quite simple. You are on the list to adopt, but were open to adopting a baby whose adoption plan was made at the birth of the child. These are situations where the birthparents were not sure what to do, but once the baby arrived, they feel it best to have an adoption plan in place. For the adoptive parents, this means getting a phone call that lets you know that, if you are interested, there is a baby at the hospital and you have been matched. So, yes - they are "SURPRISE" babies!!

When we started the adoption journey, we were open to "SURPRISE" babies. We were excited at the thought of just receiving that call and knowing that a baby was waiting for us. With our daughter, we had less than two month notice. Although it was short, it allowed us to start a baby registry and get the essentials.

Then, after nine months, we started the next adoption journey. We had a failed match and while we were still grieving it - that phone call came very late on a Monday night. When we got in touch with the lawyer and she told us what was happening...both of us lost our breath for a while. Then, we both went numb. And then... we accepted! It happened so fast - so very fast and then, we called our parents and family. It was insane - my husband started to make drinks and I chugged mine because I was excited, afraid and sort of uncertain of what lied ahead...

When we got to the hospital, it was a bit awkward, as it usually is. When the birthmother left, we were left with this perfect little boy. The "adoption high" stayed for a few hours and then...reality hit. It was my first time away from my daughter - I had to spend the night at the hospital - and I just realized what had happened ... and it was really scary. We had newborn essentials, but we had no clothes for him (yes, he wore pink for the first few days), we had no crib, we had nothing prepared for his arrival... and the panic set in. 

Within a couple of hours, I asked the nurses to take our son back to the nursery - I was feeling really sick and overwhelmed - yes, panic and anxiety started to get worse. I just needed to get some sleep because I had not slept in over 25 hours... The next day, they brought him back to my room and from then on, I was ready. 

Adjusting to having two children under the age of two is challenging. Having it happen from one day to the next - is an even bigger challenge. I will be honest - it was very hard! It was a shock to the system and it took me a few months to even have a routine set up with both. 

Attachment? it took a little longer, but I can admit that from the moment I saw him, he was my little son and I loved him.

When it happened again, months later, we were still a bit scared, but not as much because we knew what to expect. Yes, we now had three children under the age of three, but the other two had a solid routine in place and that helped tremendously. It was not as overwhelming and after six months, we finally have a routine set up with all three.

Surprise babies are total surprises and, although exciting, it does come with its highs and lows. It disrupts the current family dynamic. It also leaves you scrambling when it comes to work or school, whatever journey you are and it is more exhausting. You can always say no when it happens because it is your right. But if you say yes, know that, it will be hard. 

As someone who loves to plan ahead, this was completely out of my comfort zone. It threw me for a loop and I have shared my experience in previous posts - I had a very hard time adjusting. But once things started to settle, it did get better.

If you are open to a "SURPRISE" baby, you need to be prepared to not be prepared. You also need to be like a palm tree and bend where the wind takes you. Another thing to keep in mind is that you may not have much information regarding family history or who the birthparents are. For this reason, try to get as much as you can from the hospital staff - that they can share. But you must be willing to accept that you may get nothing. I will devote another blog on how to deal with birth stories on a later post.

All in all, if you are open to is, it will be an exhilarating experience and you will learn so much from it. I will say that the second one was far easier because we knew what to expect. And whether planned or not, the joy and love is the same.

Do you have "SURPRISE" babies? How was your experience? Please share and let's build our community.

Until my next post, keep safe and healthy. Do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19.

SM