Sometimes, you just need to say NO!

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping safe and healthy. Remember to do your part and stop the spread of Covid-19.

I am a people-pleaser. I try to please everyone because I don't want them to be mad, upset or disappointed in me. Very often, this leads me into accepting to do things or get things that I don't want to do or want to have. For years, I would never say no to someone - I thought it would come out as rude. Now, I am okay with saying no to people - because they say no to me.

Women are wired very strangely. Yes, we are! We are brain washed into thinking that we need to be everything to everyone. We are programmed to be compliant and always say yes. If you are a mom - it's even worse because then, you need to prepare yourself for only taking care of others and never yourself.

I did that - still do. I am always putting others first and I spread myself so thin and have nothing left for me. But, I have started catching myself. It has helped me end this destructive and toxic behavior. Yes, it is destructive and toxic because it creates this never ending pattern of putting yourself last. And no, I am not saying you now need to be selfish and only care about you...NOT AT ALL!!

What I have started to do is take care of me better so that I can be able to take care of everyone else after. It goes back to the instructions on the plane when it comes to putting your mask on, in case of depressurization - put yours first and then you help others. It is the same thing here. And you can start by saying no!

When we say yes to everything, we are not saying yes to us. We are, in return saying no to us. And you need to make sure that you are able to say no. You do not have to be at every parent teacher meeting. You do not need to help out at every church bake sale or school bake sale. You do not need to participate in every raffle or outing. You don't need to volunteer at each gathering. You should also not let others guilt you into doing those things. You just need to have a balance between saying yes and no. It takes time but it can be done!

You need to do what you need to do for your family and stop doing what we think others think we should do. We already have so much pressure on us, why add more? Instead, you should be enjoying life and not getting exhausted by it. When you hit that pillow, it should be with a feeling of accomplishment. It should not be hitting that pillow and laying there awake for hours thinking of all that you should have done... I have been victim to that so many nights. Doing so, you only hurt yourself even more. You become more tired, exasperated, angry, bitter and - you just feel like an utter and total failure.

Stop the madness! Do what makes you and your family happy. They are the ones you should be making happy. They are the ones that need you the most. And be kind to yourself so that you can better take care of them. I don't want our daughter to think she had to bend continuously for others. I want to teach her how to say no so she can yes to what matters the most.

If you are struggling with saying no, I have a little fun exercise for you. Practice saying no in front of the mirror. Say it with confidence and don't even justify it. Just say no. You can also do what I always do: ask yourself if someone asked your for a one thousand dollars...would you? NO... there, you can say no, now keep practicing.

Challenge: you have to say a real no, at least, once this coming weekend!

Until my next post, keep safe and healthy! Remember to wash your hands, not touch your face and wear your face mask. Help stop the prevent of Covid-19.

SM