"Mom" work is work - see your value!

-
Hello everyone,

I hope this email finds you well, safe and healthy. Remember to wash your hands, not touch your face and wear your masks! They are not there to restrict you but to save lives - the lives of the people you love and cherish!

A few weeks back, during a therapy session, I said that I felt inefficient because I was doing more house work than work. He looked at me through the screen - yes, I do online therapy - and he said: "What do you mean? Are you implying that house work and taking care of your children is not work?" I looked back and said: "No???" And then, it hit me - wait, that is work!!!

I googled what kind of salary would a stay-at-home make in 2020. I was rather shocked by the amount and I think you will too. Are you ready? If I had a salary, it would be over $160,000!!!! Crazy, right? And some of you may be thinking, why would we be making so much? Trust me, I asked the same question. So, let's itemize what a stay-at-home does.

Common tasks of a stay-at-home mom: cleaning (vacuuming, laundry, cleaning messes - that is ALL THE TIME!!), meal planning, running all errands, getting cars serviced, appointments for everyone, to-do lists, full home organization, event planner and baker and cook, stylist, creative director, paramedic, listener ... and so much more!

That is a lot of things to do - I do them all and I have a full-time nanny - because she helps with the kids which allows me to do all the rest. Sometimes, the kids are up before she arrives - no, I don't wait for her to start -and so, I get the kids, change them and take their outfits. If they are hungry, I start the breakfast routine and I do it because I am a Mom and that is part of my duties. And I am blessed to have them! On top of all of these, I have to find the time to study and get my blog working - which by the way - I am going to start a new blog!!! But that is for a future post!

Going back to my post - at the end of my therapy session, he challenged me to see my value and God in all of my tasks - even if it was changing a diaper (that is still challenging to find it's worth - especially when it is diarrhea and all of the kids have it). And I will tell you that since then, it feels as though God wanted me to face the challenge because since then, so many things prevented me from doing the "work" and had me having to do a lot more of "Mom work". 

How do I feel? Well, as it started, I did feel as though I was inefficient and was feeling pretty crappy at the end of the day. Then, I remembered that I was totally efficient!! I ran the house and did all the things that are required to keep the household going smoothly. I also took care of our little four month old, for an entire day, as he reacted to his vaccines. I spent all day with him in my arms as it was the only thing that soothed him. I made sure he felt safe and comforted and he was back to normal the next day! Looking back on the last few days, it dawned on me how much work I get done and how efficient I really am.

Something that most stay-at-homes struggle with is how they don't bring a salary home. I would always say: "Daddy works hard to provide for us all." And he really does - but so do I but I NEVER saw my value and worth. Now, since my last therapy session, I say: "We both work hard to provide for you children." Granted my kids don't really understand what is going on...but I have found myself changing and shifting how I perceive myself and my value in our household.

I may not always feel like this, each day, but I can say that I do...almost each day. Everything is about perception and how you want it to feel. For years, especially after we started having children, I felt as though I was not working. Now, I can see how much work I do - as I look through my planner and lists of to-do's. I am able to see my worth, value and contribution to our household. I wish I had seen it earlier, but sometimes, it does take a third-party to make you see things the proper way.

Are you a stay-at-home mom is struggles to see her worth? You feel like you are just a "mom" and that all you do is not work? I get it. I thought and, sometimes, still think that way. You are worth something because you are doing a very hard job!! Without you, everything falls apart!! How do I know that? I am sure that if you feel ill, and your husband had to take care of the house and kids - it would be a DISASTER!! You would actually get miraculously better quicker because you felt that if you didn't, the house would burn down or the amount of cardboard pizza boxes would topple out of the recycling bin... 

Women, we devalue ourselves too much. Let's start seeing our value in every little thing that we do. Even changing diapers, cleaning up vomit, removing vomit from your hair - yeah, that happens to moms when our babies decide to drink their milk too fast, we are doing a kick-ass job and we do it each day and we do it because we love our family. Let's be in this together and build each other up!

Until then, please keep safe, remember to wash your hands and not touch your face. Also, wear your face masks - they will save your loved ones!

SM

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Joy and Motherhood - I don't always have it!

-
Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed. I have a three, almost two and a one year old. We were very blessed at each adoption process and were matched with a birthmom fairly quickly. As such, we adopted three children within twenty-six months. Was it planned? Not at all! And before you ask, let me say that for each of them, we never hesitated and welcomed them in our home, without any reservations. Was it challenging? Obviously, it was! I would be lying if I said it was all rosy and perfect. When we adopted our oldest son, it was very rough with our daughter - who happened to be in the middle of teething - and each day, it was a mix of screaming matches and tantrums. But, it passed and we got some help because my mental health was taking a huge hit. When it came to adopting our youngest son, it was challenging. We had a two year old, an almost one year and a premiee. The challenge was not so much having another child, but the tragic reality that we were at the be...
Read more

Thoughts to my infertile readers

-
Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine texted me and asked for prayers. She and her husband found out a family member was pregnant. They were happy for her, but being infertile, their hearts were aching inside. An ache I knew and still know so well. Today, I want to share some thoughts with those who read my posts and are infertile. No matter where you are in your infertility journey: just finding out, going through it or have lived with it for years, the pain is always present.  I would first like to extend my heart and prayers to all of you who ache for a child. That longing lodges itself so deep inside and hurts each time we are reminded of it. It will lie dormant for a while, and resurface when you least expect it or need to be reminded of it. You need to know that even though that longing will never dissipate, it will get better - I promise you that! Trust me. Then, I wish to tell you that you are not alone. Even if al...
Read more