Know Your Limits - Don't Be Used!

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping safe and healthy! Make sure you have your face masks on, especially if they are mandated by your local government. Don't wear the mask for you - wear it so you don't infect others!

How many of you out there are able to say this very simple word: No? I am guessing all of you can, EXCEPT when someone asks you to do something or a favor. If you are a mom, you are already at a disadvantage because moms are notorious for not being able to say no. So, not many of you are able to say no. Right? That's what I thought! And no worries - I suck at it too.

There are a few reasons why we are unable to say no. We fear being told that we are not reliable, selfish, not wanting to be there for others, being more interested in foolish things, unable to just help out mankind... and let's be real... We can't help out with everything out there because we are only one person! But we let others guilt us into doing things, and most often it's things we don't want to do, and then we do the said task with much bitterness and sass... and when you are wanting to help out, you should be doing because you want to help - not because you were guilted into it.

I have many examples in my life where I was guilted into doing something and ended-up doing it so bad that it was shameful... There was a need for a Catechism teacher at our parish. Our priest made a plea and I felt like he was looking directly at me - no, correction, he actually was. And I caved - I said I would do it. I knew the moment that I accepted that it would be an awful experience and it was! I was not a good teacher and was just a poor example - our projects were always subpar and my kids, at the end of the year were unable to learn the one prayer I had to teach them. It was awful! I left after two years - I was getting married and changing parishes and I was not sad to leave. I vowed never to do that again - but, of course, that is one promise that I was never able to keep.

Limitations are there for a reason - to avoid having you do things that you just can't handle. They should be set so you don't stretch yourself too thin. Besides, when you give of your time to others, wouldn't you rather give them the best of you? Yes, of course! However, when you can't say no to certain things, you end-up giving the worst of you. You then feel horrible - like I still do when I think of my very poor performance. I was asked a few years ago to help out with Catechism at our local Church - trust me, I said no! Did I feel guilty? Absolutely not! I set limits and it was the best decision for our family. Does it mean that I never will? Absolutely not! But when I do, it will be because I can devote the time to it.

There is this great book that I read. It's called "The Best Yes" by Lysa TerKeust. (DISCLAIMER - this is not sponsored by the author) I recommend this book because we, women, have that tendency to overwhelm ourselves to please others. Then, we sit back and complain and the only person to blame is our own self. As I was reading this book, I saw myself in every page. It changed how I look at things that I put on my schedule. I am but one person. I am not a super hero and I definitely cannot be in two or more places at the same time. 

The title is perfect because when we say our best yes to something, we are giving the best of us to others. With that, you do feel a sense of accomplishment. And you are not a bad person for saying no. In fact, you are being a better person for saying no. We think the world stops turning if we are not helping out with every cause out here - that is simply not true. If you think the world stops when you do, you are sadly mistaken and full of yourself.

We are but one person and there is a limit as to what we can do. If we can't set limits because we want to feel appreciated by others - you will be in for a rude awakening. Trust me, you won't be appreciated. Instead, you will be used - repeatedly! Yes, people will use you and assume that you can and will do everything. Don't be that person. Be the person who respects herself and is able to know when enough is enough.

Can you say no? Think about it before you answer. Take your time.... take more time before you even try to say yes... Exactly! I thought so. Don't worry - you are NOT alone. I am guilty of it and so many others out there. What matters is that you learn to catch yourself before you entrap yourself in yet another task, on top of all the other tasks you have already committed yourself to... It will take practice and you feel awful each time you say no - but in the long haul, you will feel more liberated and free. You will less burdened and when you do give your time, you will be giving the best of you just like when you said your best yes!

Today, I challenge you: say no to one thing today and each day. Trust me, it will be good for you!

Until my next post, remember to keep safe and healthy!

SM