Adopting Means They Are Your Own Children!

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Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. Remember to wash your face, not touch your face and wear your mask. The wearing of mask is not restricting your rights - it is saving the lives of those you love!

I went to the doctor with our boys. The nurses, knowing our kids are adopted, asked if I had children of my own. In my head, I knew they were asking about biological children - yet, they said: children of your own... I should have clarified by saying: "You mean biological children?" Instead, it went right through me and I answered that we lost her a few years ago. Only when I was in the car did it register..."Wait!!! What just happened???" And then, I was so thankful that the kids were small and could not understand what was going on. Yet ... if they had understood and heard my answer, they would have been upset and confused.

You see, many people still think of adopted children as "adopted" and that's it! And although, they were adopted, once they are, they are your own children same as if they were our biological children. This is repeated when you go in front of a judge when the adoption is finalized. They don't have a special status - they are our children. PERIOD!

I told my husband about it and he let me know that he no longer tells people he has three children he adopted. He just says: oh, we have three children. Man, I wish he had told me about that - I would say the same... because I always say that we have adopted children....and that is not necessary - because nobody says: oh, we have three biological children - NO...they say, we have so many children...and this got me thinking.

For some reason, I feel like I am justifying having adopted the children. I also feel like adoption is so awesome that I would want others to know what a blessing it is. But always saying they are adopted - it just does not feel right... and when I think about it, I would not want our kids to say: Yeah, she is our adoptive mom... right?

When you adopt, you are told and taught many things, but you aren't told everything... and you do learn a lot as you go along. I have made mistakes in the past and will, most probably, make some more along the way. What matters is how I learn and deal with those mistakes. And I need to stop justifying why we adopted. And I need to say that they are adopted - they are MY children. Just like I am their mother.

Adoption is tricky...there are all these things you don't have to think about when you have biological children... and you learn as you go along. Some situations are more icy than others...and some...they will keep you up at night.

All in all, it was a HUGE learning curve and there will be more. I just need to pay more attention to what I do and say and how things are said - even more in front of the children...

Have you been in a situation like mine? or any other situation? if you have tips on how to handle these, please share them and let's build our community.

Until then, please keep safe and healthy.
SM

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