Motherhood - Self-Sacrificing for All Concerned

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. Please be careful when being out there, as cases are rising. Remember to wash your hands, do not touch your face and only leave your house, if you need to. Help others around you and spread kindness not Covid-19.

After some outside insight and much reflection...the thing I struggle with the most is having to sacrifice so much so my kids and family come first. I wish that I could say that I do it with a smile and so much grace...but the reality is that I do it because I know it's the right thing - yet, it makes me angry and I feel like I am just losing myself. I could be selfish but prefer not to - because somehow, my strong maternal instinct kicks in and I can hear it loud and clear!!

I could take comfort in knowing that so many other mothers feel the same way I do - but that would be lying... It sort of...sucks that, often, we have to sacrifice so much for others. It makes me think of that episode in the Simpsons when Marge just stops her car in the middle of traffic because she just has enough... and I have been there, many times. I am sure you have too. It's this feeling of utter and total exhaustion mixed with a feeling of helpless and despair. It's your breaking point and even tears don't flow because it's too much to ask from you - because you have been pulled in all directions. Everybody else has been tended too, but you have still not showered... For example, things got so crazy this weekend, that I did not have time to shower at all on Sunday... 

Let's be honest - it's hard! It's very hard. You want to be selfish and say NOOOOO... but then, you look at their faces and you just are left unable to give into your own desires and you cave...you cave because you love them and would do anything for them - even die for them. We do it because they need us more than we need ourselves. We do it because we want to give them what we were unable to get as children.

I never had as many books as my kids have. I never had my parents home as much as our kids do. I never got to travel as much as our kids already have - although Covid has put a stop to that for now. I never had the possibility of going on so many walks with my parents and have picnics and just enjoy nature... And I am happy that we can do that for our kids. 

However, sometimes, I wish that the sacrificing came from my spouse. It always feels like I am sacrificing where it hurts...but that is what true motherhood is. You give your life to others because that is your role. I know, I know ... I can already hear you all: Girl, you don't need to sacrifice for anyone!!! Yeah, yeah, that is nice in theory, but our kids depend on us and we are there to nurture them, love them and give them all that they need from us. Selfishness has no place when it comes to children - they always come first. But, it's okay to not always enjoy giving them all of you until you feel deflated...which is how I feel, almost every day...pppffff 

And I wanted to write about this because we tend to see or hear about these SuperMoms and how they can manage to have all their kids dressed, well-behaved, eating all their vegetables, able to do their homework while holding all these extra-curricular activities...and their home is always tidy and smelling like Mr. Clean... I want to be real with my audience. Yes, I do have those good days but I also have those days where I don't smell very fresh, my hair has spit-up or vomit, I am still in my workout clothes and I could only manage to have one cup of coffee and it was cold by the time I go to it...

I want to be real, genuine and honest. I love my children and family. I give them all that I have. Yet, I get tired of always depleting my batteries to give to them or my husband. I know the reward will be great, but I am also allowing myself to feel those emotions of failure, frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness and utter exhaustion... But each day, I am also grateful that all my children are happy and healthy, laughing in giggles that melt your heart and call me Mamae when they need something... 

Are you a Mom that is struggling with giving so much? Do you feel like you are being pulled apart like a monkey bread? Know that you are not alone - should that make you feel better? maybe not, but it can make you feel less lonely ... Please share your story and let's build our community.

Remember to spread kindness and not Covid-19.

SM