Going to Bed and Thinking: Today was a Bad Mom Day!!

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping safe and healthy. Fortunately, my husband's results came back negative - I am grateful for that as I know that many did not have the same results. Remember to wash your hands, not touch your face, wear a face mask and only go somewhere if you really have to. In our state, cases are rising, so please keep safe and healthy.

Yesterday was a very BMD - Bad Mom Day!!! The moment I hit my pillow, no matter how exhausted I was...the images of that day and then other days started to roll past my eyes. My mind was being filled with shouts, things being said and then food being thrown around by my very angry toddler...there are still some spots on my kitchen floor with smeared and caked egg yolk - yes, it was quite the evening.

As if the egg throwing was not enough, she then proceeded to screaming her head off about an hour after I put her down for the night. I went up and brought a glass of water - she drank but wanted to be hugged and tugged at me as though she had not seen me in the longest time. I left her and she went down to sleep ...only to go back to screaming, louder this time. Meanwhile, her little brother, was screaming also because he wanted to be fed... I was torn between the two. 

I half fed the little one and rushed back upstairs before her screams - trust me, she had incredible lung power - and found her sobbing. As I approached the crib, she sat down with her little lamb and wanted me to read her a story. I complied and gave her a toy...and off she went to sleep. 

I felt awful when I came down. Here I was, getting so angry with her because she was disrupting me from cleaning up the kitchen, folding the clothes - which are still in the dryer - and feeding our little one so that I could finally go to sleep... And here she was - wanting Mommy to read her a story so she could go to sleep... Is there and award for world's worst Mom? because I have my acceptance speech typed up and ready to go... 

I guess if I did not care, I would sleep better. Yet, I care so much for my children and I just don't want them to be angry or sad or have any difficult moments - yeah, that is not realistic at all... I had heard of Mom Guilt - but no one ever told me how hard it is and how it affects you so much. And so, I eventually went to sleep but when I woke up, it was still there - that "I am a Bad MOM!!!" feeling. 

Each morning, I wake up and tell myself - today will be a good day because it is a new day. And, it feels as though with all my good intentions, things get out of hand fairly quickly. And then, it hits me again that I am a horrible parent...and it makes me feel inadequate. I look up Dr. Google to remind myself that toddlers can be challenging...and then, I keep going.

It's not going to be easy but I do try each day to wake up and tell myself - today will be a good day because it is a new day.

Are you struggling with your children? Do you feel like that bad Mom? It's okay - you are definitely not alone. Let's build our community and share our struggles and encourage each other. We are good Moms simply because we worry about them and only want the best for them.

Until my next post, let's keep safe and healthy. Let's stop the spread of Covid-19 but let's NEVER stop spreading kindness.

SM