Adoption is forever - you can't just give the kids back!

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping safe and healthy. 

A few weeks ago, I heard about this YouTuber - Myka Stauffer, who shared a video about having re-homed their adoptive son. They had adopted him from China and he had autism. He had stayed with them for two years and then, they got pregnant with their fourth child (this little boy from China was their only adopted child). 

Now, they did mention in several videos that they were struggling with him because of the language barrier together with him being autistic. And although I don't have a child with special needs, I can imagine how much more of a challenge they can be.

What I am struggling with is that they re-homed him because, it seems, their doctor told them that their family was not equipped to handle those types of challenges... and that is what bothered me and then angered me.

We adopted three young children, all newborn, within twenty-six months. As of now, we a have two and half year old, a one year old and a three month old. Yes, we are busy and, at times, extremely overwhelmed... yes, we do have a nanny and that is something that I am so grateful for. Yet, we do take care of our kids and with all three are going at it - yikes, it can be very challenging. For example, last night, our toddler was screaming, our one year old was screaming and so was the baby...things were thrown and it was chaos... yet, for nothing in the world would I want my life different.

My children are the most precious people in my heart. They show me my flaws and teach me how to fix them. I would want to die to save them and only want their happiness and well being. I just can't imagine my life without them.

Granted that I don't know all the details - but still, I was shocked to see that they had re-homed this little boy. When we finalize an adoption, we are told that they become our children, as though we had given birth to them...how could they have done that? What kind of message does that send out to other adoptive parents? Will it start allowing for others to do the same when things get too difficult?? Will biological children be re-homed also? 

I am trying not to judge their decision, but it is hard. They knew it was going to be hard - maybe they should have tried to get more support... Yet, they did not seem to be crying when this little boy was giving them views and they would profit financially from his exposure... which, honestly, was just so disgusting. 

When you adopt, you adopt for life. When you finalize your adoption, it is like a marriage - there is no parachute clause. You are in it for the long haul and that is it! I am really upset about what they did because the person that will suffer the most is that poor little boy. Hopefully, the new family that has welcomed him will not do the same.

Adoption is forever. There is no going back because those children were entrusted to us by courageous and loving birthmoms.  You were chosen to be their mom, to love them, nurture them and raise them to be good and honest civilians. Yes, it will get hard, but that does not give us the right to pull the plug. It does not allow you to back out when it gets hard. Those children, at times, come from such hard circumstances, that all they need is love, understanding and so much patience. They don't need to be thrown out because they are too difficult to deal with.

I am clearly still upset about it...and I am sure that many other adoptive parents and adoptees are angry about this situation. Let's come together and teach others what adoption is and how it should be handled. This does prove, however, that not everyone is made for adoption - they clearly were not.

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy and let's spread kindness and not Covid-19.

SM