Infertility - it never leaves you
Hello everyone,
I hope that when you read this post, you are healthy and safe. Remember that although the weather is nice and that restrictions are starting to ease up, you still need to do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19.
I got a text recently from a friend who also has infertility. She was texting me about a friend of hers who was pregnant. My friend was happy to see her friend pregnant, but was sad that it was so easy for her while, she, my friend, struggled - they ended up undergoing embryo adoption. It reminded my friend of a comment I made to her a few years back.
You see, when you are infertile, it never leaves you. It's always there and it does not go away because you have children, via adoption. But people forget that and they assume that you are all fine and dandy once you start to have children. Sorry to burst that bubble of yours - our infertility never leaves.
I am still infertile. I cannot conceive naturally and I have to wait to be chosen by a courageous birthmom to have another child. I have to undergo multiple steps - paperwork, physicals, fingerprints, home study, interviews, references, etc... And so, my infertility follows me all over.
Does it still hurt when I hear a pregnancy announcement? Absolutely!! However, it hurts less and less - now, it hurts for about 15 seconds. That is awesome!!! In the past, it would haunt me for weeks. It left me feeling so inadequate as a woman because it meant my body was useless. I was this broken shell and nothing could make me better. I would then drink and eat to fill a void that could never be filled.
For all of you out there that have infertility and have adopted, I know your pain. Our pain, as silent as it is for others, is ever constant and always making an appearance for us. We must allow ourselves to never forget that pain and to let others know of it. This is the one thing that I get the most upset about - people think we know longer feel the pain because we have children. That would mean that our children have now the burden of unloading that pain from us - that is NOT why we adopted them. It is unfair to give them that burden.
Therefore, if you or someone you know is infertile and has adopted children, be mindful when you hear a pregnancy announcement or make one. Remind yourself that it is okay to still be sad because it's not you. Remind people that your infertility is still present - it never left, but now, it's just a little heavy of a cross to carry.
Be safe and healthy. Wash your hands, do not touch your face and stop the spread of Covid-19.
SM
I hope that when you read this post, you are healthy and safe. Remember that although the weather is nice and that restrictions are starting to ease up, you still need to do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19.
I got a text recently from a friend who also has infertility. She was texting me about a friend of hers who was pregnant. My friend was happy to see her friend pregnant, but was sad that it was so easy for her while, she, my friend, struggled - they ended up undergoing embryo adoption. It reminded my friend of a comment I made to her a few years back.
You see, when you are infertile, it never leaves you. It's always there and it does not go away because you have children, via adoption. But people forget that and they assume that you are all fine and dandy once you start to have children. Sorry to burst that bubble of yours - our infertility never leaves.
I am still infertile. I cannot conceive naturally and I have to wait to be chosen by a courageous birthmom to have another child. I have to undergo multiple steps - paperwork, physicals, fingerprints, home study, interviews, references, etc... And so, my infertility follows me all over.
Does it still hurt when I hear a pregnancy announcement? Absolutely!! However, it hurts less and less - now, it hurts for about 15 seconds. That is awesome!!! In the past, it would haunt me for weeks. It left me feeling so inadequate as a woman because it meant my body was useless. I was this broken shell and nothing could make me better. I would then drink and eat to fill a void that could never be filled.
For all of you out there that have infertility and have adopted, I know your pain. Our pain, as silent as it is for others, is ever constant and always making an appearance for us. We must allow ourselves to never forget that pain and to let others know of it. This is the one thing that I get the most upset about - people think we know longer feel the pain because we have children. That would mean that our children have now the burden of unloading that pain from us - that is NOT why we adopted them. It is unfair to give them that burden.
Therefore, if you or someone you know is infertile and has adopted children, be mindful when you hear a pregnancy announcement or make one. Remind yourself that it is okay to still be sad because it's not you. Remind people that your infertility is still present - it never left, but now, it's just a little heavy of a cross to carry.
Be safe and healthy. Wash your hands, do not touch your face and stop the spread of Covid-19.
SM
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