I am not sure I want to adopt another child
Hello everyone,
I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping healthy and safe. I know, I know...I am sounding like a broken record. But remember, just because restrictions are easing up, it does not mean that the pandemic is over, it only means that there is space for you in the ICU.
It happened while I was doing a night feed with our newborn. I was looking down at him while he was chugging his milk and I thought: "Yeah, I am okay with three kids." I finished his feed and went to bed. The next morning, that same thought popped again in my mind and it has been there, ever since.
With each adoption, I was eager about the next. With this third one, I was already thinking about the fourth one. Then, the reality of having a newborn kicked in. And, obviously, with each adoption, I am not getting younger, but older and my patience, although very big...it is starting to get thinner with age...
I am feeling guilty that I am not wanting to adopt a fourth one. That is a Mom for you. We thrive on guilt. It's almost as if it comes into your bloodstream and no matter what you try...it's always there. For example, all the kids were sleeping and I decided to take a warm bath and just have time to myself. Well, it worked for about five minutes. In the midst of it, I was convinced that one of them was crying. It was totally irrational. There is no way that they could be crying...well, I was not able to relax at all. I stayed a few more minutes...and then, I had to get out. I did and guess what?? They were all sleeping. Ugh....
Going back to my post. I just feel that we have already a lot to handle. It can be so overwhelming and challenging, on certain days. On other days, it is great and so rewarding. But, then, nighttime happens and the nightly feeds happen...and that is when that thought is no longer popping but flashing in big, red and very bold letters - YEAH, I AM OKAY WITH THREE KIDS!!
So, here we are, more than two months later and that thought is not going away... I have spoken about it with my spouse. He won't say it but his body language clearly does not feel how I feel. He repeats the same thing: let's see how we feel when the newborn feeds are over and all kids are sleeping through the night. And that is where my dilemma gets worse.
I don't want to adopt not because of the night feeds, but because three small children, one year apart is a lot to handle. And, we have help and it's still overwhelming and challenging. The nighttime routines alone take about two hours and, hey, sometimes, our toddler and infant do wake up during the night...and one night, they all woke up during the night...
I feel as though our family is complete and there is no real need to add to it. I am trying to remain open to the idea of another child, but for now, I just can't. That thought is still there and is rooted deep into me.
Have you been in this situation? Do you know someone who is? What did they end up doing? How did they resolve their dilemma? Let's share and build our community.
Take care, wash your hands, don't touch your face and wear a mask when you are outside and running errands. Let's stop Covid-19 from spreading because it's still there - it has not gone away and will not for a long time.
SM
I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping healthy and safe. I know, I know...I am sounding like a broken record. But remember, just because restrictions are easing up, it does not mean that the pandemic is over, it only means that there is space for you in the ICU.
It happened while I was doing a night feed with our newborn. I was looking down at him while he was chugging his milk and I thought: "Yeah, I am okay with three kids." I finished his feed and went to bed. The next morning, that same thought popped again in my mind and it has been there, ever since.
With each adoption, I was eager about the next. With this third one, I was already thinking about the fourth one. Then, the reality of having a newborn kicked in. And, obviously, with each adoption, I am not getting younger, but older and my patience, although very big...it is starting to get thinner with age...
I am feeling guilty that I am not wanting to adopt a fourth one. That is a Mom for you. We thrive on guilt. It's almost as if it comes into your bloodstream and no matter what you try...it's always there. For example, all the kids were sleeping and I decided to take a warm bath and just have time to myself. Well, it worked for about five minutes. In the midst of it, I was convinced that one of them was crying. It was totally irrational. There is no way that they could be crying...well, I was not able to relax at all. I stayed a few more minutes...and then, I had to get out. I did and guess what?? They were all sleeping. Ugh....
Going back to my post. I just feel that we have already a lot to handle. It can be so overwhelming and challenging, on certain days. On other days, it is great and so rewarding. But, then, nighttime happens and the nightly feeds happen...and that is when that thought is no longer popping but flashing in big, red and very bold letters - YEAH, I AM OKAY WITH THREE KIDS!!
So, here we are, more than two months later and that thought is not going away... I have spoken about it with my spouse. He won't say it but his body language clearly does not feel how I feel. He repeats the same thing: let's see how we feel when the newborn feeds are over and all kids are sleeping through the night. And that is where my dilemma gets worse.
I don't want to adopt not because of the night feeds, but because three small children, one year apart is a lot to handle. And, we have help and it's still overwhelming and challenging. The nighttime routines alone take about two hours and, hey, sometimes, our toddler and infant do wake up during the night...and one night, they all woke up during the night...
I feel as though our family is complete and there is no real need to add to it. I am trying to remain open to the idea of another child, but for now, I just can't. That thought is still there and is rooted deep into me.
Have you been in this situation? Do you know someone who is? What did they end up doing? How did they resolve their dilemma? Let's share and build our community.
Take care, wash your hands, don't touch your face and wear a mask when you are outside and running errands. Let's stop Covid-19 from spreading because it's still there - it has not gone away and will not for a long time.
SM
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