Do you want to be a parent? Or, do you want a baby?

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all doing well. Remember to wash your hands ( for 20 seconds or more) and if you are not feeling well, please stay home and take care of you. Let's stop this virus from spreading...but let's not let it rule our lives.

Do you want to be a parent? Or, do you want a baby??? Feels like it is the same question, but trust me, it is not! It is even more different when you are unable to conceive or have been told that you have infertility.

For one, when you wish to be a parent, you are not focused on the baby, but rather on what the baby will make you, which is a parent.

On the other hand, when you want a baby, your main focus is on the BABY and nothing else, and that is when conceiving and potential infertility can take a toll on you, your spouse, your marriage and your life!

These two questions were brought up to me during a long car ride to Canada. My husband had received this lecture CD and he wanted me to listen to it, but I was adamant - I had no desire to listen to it. So, as it was my turn to drive, he knew this was his chance. He popped the CD in and my perspective changed about my own infertility.

If I close my eyes, I can still see myself driving and telling Konrad to pause the CD at that precise moment when those two questions were asked. It was my "Aha" moment! After he paused it, I said: I want to be a parent! And that when my focus shifted from wanting a baby to being a parent.

When you are issues conceiving or have infertility, you only focus on the BABY...and there is nothing wrong with that, but it does take its toll on you. You become angry, resentful, and as though you were rejected from the "preggo" club! Loneliness becomes even more apparent and being around children bring you sadness instead of joy.

Once I shifted my focus - and know that it took a few years - I was more at peace and was more ready to be a parent than just have a baby! It was so wonderful to actually be happy when people announced their pregnancies. I was happy, truly happy and would no longer cry because it was not me. A true sense of peace took over and it made things far easier.

Infertility takes a lot from you...but it should not take over everything, especially your life. We each have our journey to go through and we each need different amounts of time to achieve peace and acceptance. But once you get there, trust me...it's much better.

If you are currently in that dark phase of infertility or trying to conceive, know that you are not alone. We are many in this battle, but we choose to stay quiet. I am challenging you all to speak up and let others know that you are in pain and that you need support. 

Please share if you have a story and let's build our community!

SM