Adoption DOES NOT cure infertility!
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all having a good day. Mine is so-so, but for those who are having a bad day, I do hope and pray that it gets better. After every storm, there is sunshine.
Today, I wanted to address something that most people who adopt, after infertility, experience. We are often told that we are now "fixed" once we start adopting children.
The first time someone told me that, I was left dumbfounded and had no clue what to say. To this day, I can honestly say that I am still not sure how to answer that one. But, I can say this: adoption DID NOT cure my infertility. We still cannot have biological children and adoption is clearly not how we can.
I wonder if by "fixed", they mean that we no longer feel like we can't have children...or maybe they mean that we have our "fix" of having children. No matter what they mean, it's just the wrong thing to tell someone who adopts. And it's even less of a thing to say when they chose adoption because they struggled with infertility for years and years - like we did.
We struggled with infertility, still, are, after almost eight years. It has not been easy and it rocked our marriage in a big way. At times, I was not even sure if our marriage could survive. It was always so difficult to see our siblings announce their pregnancies while we sat there and tried our very best to show our happiness. At home, we both collapsed, I, in tears, and him, in anger.
After my surgery, we knew that it may not happen and we prepared ourselves for adoption. We did not view adoption as a way to cure our infertility, our marriage and our brokenness. Adoption does not do that. What adoption does is create families.
When we adopted, we became parents and after all that wait, it was amazing to be able to just be a Mom and my husband, be a Dad. Those first encounters with our children are moments we will never forget.
Yet, in spite of all that happiness, we cannot hide the fact that we still live with infertility. Each month, I get a period and it only keeps confirming that our infertility is still very much present in our marriage.
So what do I answer when I get told such a thing? I remember to keep my cool and then, I simply say: Adoption did not cure my infertility, it cured my childlessness. Usually, it stops there but then, for some, it is not enough and they keep asking questions. And so, I answer as best as I can...while remaining calm.
If you have a story to share, please do so and let's build our community to help support each other.
SM
I hope you are all having a good day. Mine is so-so, but for those who are having a bad day, I do hope and pray that it gets better. After every storm, there is sunshine.
Today, I wanted to address something that most people who adopt, after infertility, experience. We are often told that we are now "fixed" once we start adopting children.
The first time someone told me that, I was left dumbfounded and had no clue what to say. To this day, I can honestly say that I am still not sure how to answer that one. But, I can say this: adoption DID NOT cure my infertility. We still cannot have biological children and adoption is clearly not how we can.
I wonder if by "fixed", they mean that we no longer feel like we can't have children...or maybe they mean that we have our "fix" of having children. No matter what they mean, it's just the wrong thing to tell someone who adopts. And it's even less of a thing to say when they chose adoption because they struggled with infertility for years and years - like we did.
We struggled with infertility, still, are, after almost eight years. It has not been easy and it rocked our marriage in a big way. At times, I was not even sure if our marriage could survive. It was always so difficult to see our siblings announce their pregnancies while we sat there and tried our very best to show our happiness. At home, we both collapsed, I, in tears, and him, in anger.
After my surgery, we knew that it may not happen and we prepared ourselves for adoption. We did not view adoption as a way to cure our infertility, our marriage and our brokenness. Adoption does not do that. What adoption does is create families.
When we adopted, we became parents and after all that wait, it was amazing to be able to just be a Mom and my husband, be a Dad. Those first encounters with our children are moments we will never forget.
Yet, in spite of all that happiness, we cannot hide the fact that we still live with infertility. Each month, I get a period and it only keeps confirming that our infertility is still very much present in our marriage.
So what do I answer when I get told such a thing? I remember to keep my cool and then, I simply say: Adoption did not cure my infertility, it cured my childlessness. Usually, it stops there but then, for some, it is not enough and they keep asking questions. And so, I answer as best as I can...while remaining calm.
If you have a story to share, please do so and let's build our community to help support each other.
SM
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