My motherhood journey - not what I expected!

Hello everyone, I hope that when you read this post, you are healthy and safe. I know the warm weather can be deceiving because the pandemic is till not over. Remember to do your part: wash your hands, don't touch your face and stop the spread of Covid-19. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine texted me that my kind words helped her to face infertility - because I knew her pain. I was touched that what I thought were just plain words made her feel better - somewhat. And it got me thinking about my dark moments with our infertility. When we were going through the darkest and most painful moments of our infertility, I was alone through it all. My husband was unable to deal with it so he was not there for me. Yes, he would listen to me and hold me, but we just never really spoke about it together - still to this day, we have not. Yes, it was very hard to be alone. When I was miscarrying our child, I was alone. He was so busy with work and just did not want or even wanted to attemp...

Hello everyone, I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. Yes, the weather is finally warmer. However, we still need to be vigilant because Covid-19 is still out there. The pandemic is not over and you still need to be safe. This morning, I had breakfast and coffee on my own - with no interruptions! It was such a treat and I loved every moment of it. Don't get me wrong, I love having dinner with my family. However, as the Mom of three small children, there is something so delightful about having breakfast and warm coffee (my previous post) all by yourself.  I usually would have taken the time to pray and journal as well, but this morning, I chose to write down my task list for the day and leave prayer for when I had more time - which was right before I started this post. I always told Moms, before I had children, that they needed to take time for themselves - no matter how short or long. Then, I had children and I realized how hard it was to take that tim...

Hello everyone, I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. I know many states have reopened, but you still need to be careful. Easing restrictions does not mean that the pandemic is over, it only means that there is place for you in the ICU. Since this quarantine has started, there have been many things that I have missed. Here are my top five: 1) Being able to run errands 2) Having lunch with friends 3) Going out on a date with my husband 4) Attending Mass 5) DRINKING WARM COFFEE Why did I write that last one in all caps??? As a Mom - I know many of you Moms will totally get this one - you are never able to eat or drink anything warm and that includes your morning coffee. Before we adopted our newborn, I was able to wake up very early (5 to 5:30am) and enjoy my coffee with my breakfast and do some chores around the house before the kids woke up. Now, because we have irregular nights due to his nightly feeds, getting and early start on my day has gone dow...

Hello everyone, I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping healthy and safe. I know, I know...I am sounding like a broken record. But remember, just because restrictions are easing up, it does not mean that the pandemic is over, it only means that there is space for you in the ICU. It happened while I was doing a night feed with our newborn. I was looking down at him while he was chugging his milk and I thought: "Yeah, I am okay with three kids." I finished his feed and went to bed. The next morning, that same thought popped again in my mind and it has been there, ever since. With each adoption, I was eager about the next. With this third one, I was already thinking about the fourth one. Then, the reality of having a newborn kicked in. And, obviously, with each adoption, I am not getting younger, but older and my patience, although very big...it is starting to get thinner with age... I am feeling guilty that I am not wanting to adopt a fourth one. That is a ...

Hello everyone, I hope that when you read this post, you are healthy and safe. Remember that just because restrictions have eased up, it does not mean the pandemic is over. It actually means that there is place for you in the ICU. I love my children. I love, love, love my children. I would die for them and would do anything to protect them. However, there are days when I love them but don't like them. Those days when it feels like they just want to stick to you and you just cannot have one minute to yourself. And when they are little, like ours are, it can get very challenging and overwhelming. It was easier, before the pandemic, because I had days when I would be out of the house for the entire day - running errands and doing work. But now, I am always home and I cannot escape them. We do have a nanny and that helps, but with a newborn, it's still pretty challenging. Being home, as well, it is hard when I hear one of them cry when I heard that they had a bad fall - my mo...

Hello everyone, I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. Remember that just because restrictions are started to ease up, it does not mean that this pandemic is over. It really means that there is space for you in the ICU. Let's be honest - this whole pandemic thing is wearing us all down. I have not left my community since early March. I have not seen anyone but my kids, spouse and our nanny...and the occasional neighbor when we go out on a walk. I have seen any of my friends, our families could not visit us and I have gone to any store since this whole thing started. Want to read something actually quite sad? I have a dentist appointment - I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!! Sad, isn't? During the first weeks of quarantine, some took this time to sleep in, read, binge watch shows and movies and basically, tackle those house projects that they had put on the back burner. Then, the quarantine just kept going and going and then, it started... Sleep was no lon...

Hello everyone, I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. We are not yet out of the woods, so remember to wash your hands, not touch your face and stop the spread of Covid-19. Mother's Day is no longer painful for me because of our kids. But when we did not have the kids, I dreaded Mother's Day. Actually, I dreaded going to Mass because the priest would always have a blessing for Moms - but never asked those who had lost children through miscarriage to stand up. Each year, I would sit next to him and tears would stream down my cheeks. My husband would hold my hand and tell me that he loved me. Inside, I was dying. I felt as though I was unworthy, to God's eyes, to be a Mom. It was such torture and it was never easy. Then, one day, while I was attending at Mass during a work conference, the priest asked all women who had lost a child through miscarriage to come up and receive a blessing. I was shocked but went up. As I, along with other brave Mom...