Unknown Medical Histories of Your Adopted Children - A Real Fear

Hello everyone,

I hope this post finds you healthy and blessed.

Was planning on posting about another subject, but it was not flowing easily as I was drafting it and so, this is today's topic: unknown medical histories of your children via adoption.

There is a huge misconception about adoption and health. Many think you only adopt children who are sick - terminally sick. While it is true that you can adopt a child that may be sick, the same can happen when conceiving naturally. In addition, when you start an adoption process, you are asked if you are open to children with a variety of medical conditions. To say that only sick children get adopted is a lie and this myth will be dispelled in a future post.

When we started adopting, we were open to any child. This meant that race, gender and medical history were not a concern for us. Yes, we were a bit scared about having a child that had medical challenges, but we also knew that no matter the child, God would grant us the grace to take care of them.

Medical histories are part of who we are. I know mine and you know yours. However, it is not always the case when one is adopted. Generally, you don't get much information. You are left with what the birthmom chooses to divulge. It can be unsettling, but nowadays, there are so many tests that are performed when a child comes into the world, that one can rest easy...for a while.

Our kids are all healthy. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. They do all the basic human needs: peeing and pooping and they have tantrums because two of them are toddlers. For that, I am extremely blessed. 

However, when they get sick, I worry. And it's not just the normal mom worry...it is deeper than that. You begin to think if there is something more serious going on. And it takes you to another level where you feel as though you have lost control of the whole situation.

For example, I am a migraine sufferer. They are hereditary and that fact helps my doctor when it comes to medication. But I don't have that luxury with my kids. 

We had a bit of a scare a few months ago. It started back in October of 2020. We were having breakfast and our middle child started vomiting. We just figured that he might have eaten too fast or that whatever we gave him just didn't sit well with him. But it kept happening on a daily basis. We had not changed anything to his diet and the only thing we could think of was that he may be developing a food allergy.

We cut off dairy as it seemed he would vomit when he had yogurt or cheese. The vomiting stopped and I was relieved. Then, it started back up and became a daily event. That is when I started to get extremely worried. What if there was something seriously wrong with him that was causing this vomiting? My mind started to go in all these different directions and none of them led me to a good place. I began to scour through his adoption records and grasping at any little bit of information that I could get. But it was to no avail because there was not much to go on.

We scheduled an appointment with his doctor but I suggested speaking to a specialist my husband knew. It changed everything. After a brief summary of his symptoms and a few questions, this specialist told us exactly what was going on: it was a sensory issue. We just had to play with textures and figure out what made him gag as he also has a sensitive gag reflex. The heavy weight of worry had finally come off my shoulders. My baby was fine and he was going to be okay.

But what about the next time they get sick? I will worry and get them checked out. Because that is all I can do. 

It can be unsettling not to know. But God grants us the grace and strength to get through those times. It also helps to let the experts, all the medical staff, take care of them. All I need to do is pray and trust that our kids will be okay.

Would I worry less if I knew their whole medical history? Probably not. I would worry just the same. Yet, I would be lying if I said that it would give me a sense of peace. The situation is what it is and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just need to accept it and move on...and stop going through the adoption records - that will drive me insane.

I don't mean to scare you about medical histories if you are looking to adopt. This is part of the adoption journey. Those who adopt internationally have, at times, no information at all about their medical history. Does it stop them from adopting? Absolutely not! And it should not stop you. But just be aware that it may be the case and that it may entail a few more tests here and there.

There are many other unknowns in the adoption process, but each of them have a solution and none should ever deter you from your dream of expanding your family and becoming a parent.

Until my next post, be still in waiting.

Blessings,

SM