Moms who adopt - we have the "Dad" experience!

Hello everyone,

I apologize for having been so absent - we had, yet, another Covid scare and have been dealing with quite a few challenges. Thank goodness, the results were negative.  

I hope and pray that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. To those of you that are sick with Covid - hang in there. To those who have lost someone or more than one person to Covid - I am very sorry for your loss. To those on the frontlines - you are the heroes of the pandemic. This includes all hospital workers and those working relentlessly to help us with groceries and mailings and everything else we need to keep on living a somewhat "normal" life.

Now - let's get into today's topic - adopted moms having a "Dad" experience. But what is this "Dad" experience I speak of? It's quite simple. You see, in most cases, the mom carries the baby and the dad just meets the baby at birth. Before that, the dad has no clue who this person growing inside their wife is. The mom not only carries the baby, she feels the kicks and stretches and gets a glimpse, although blurry, at the many ultrasounds.

The reality is that a pregnant mom will experience, on average, bonding with their baby almost immediately. For dads, it's not so much that they do not bond, but the baby remains a stranger until they see them at birth. That is the "Dad" experience. This is what most adoptive mothers experience, as well.

While it is true that some do have a more open relationship with the birthmom and the baby, some of us only get a call and off we go to the hospital. Two of our children were SURPRISE babies (link to the blog explaining what this is: https://rapososm.blogspot.com/2020/09/am-i-ready-for-surprise-baby-what-does.html) and that is the ultimate "Dad" experience - because you literally get a call and BOOM! - you have a new baby! 

I remember thinking during those two SURPRISE babies: "Wow, I had not idea these children even existed until now." It is quite a surreal experience - very exciting, but also a bit scary!"

And just like the dad, I did not get to carry the baby, feel it kick, hear its heartbeat during an ultrasound, I did not get to see it move around during those same ultrasounds - I have none of those moments and much more. I would not say that it brings me much sadness, but I will always feel like I missed out on those moments. It hits me more when I see a social media post (no worries, I stay as far away as I can from those - but it can still happen) or when I peruse my YouTube list and see a video that includes a pregnancy or gender reveal. 

Yet, I got to meet my children when God wanted me to meet them. It was always a surprise to see what they looked like and each time, I immediately just loved them. I feared not being able to get them a baby book, but I was able to find some that start from birth to five years old - YAY Half-Price Books (this is NOT sponsored by them)!

Having lived this "Dad" experience, it made me more appreciative of all dads out there - it must have been tough for you not to be able to share in all the pregnancy events - but it does not make you less a huge part of it - I mean, without you, they would not have been conceived!

As I write out these posts, it makes me realize how much people don't know about adoption until they go through it. I also realize that those who do not go through an adoption have no real idea of all the intricacies that come with adopting. To them, it is all exciting and fun - but to those of us who have adopted, it is an emotional roller coaster!!

How did you experience meeting your child only after a phone call? Please share and let's build our community.

We are taking a staycation next week, so no posts! I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving and remember that the pandemic does not take days off - wear your masks, social distance and be safe and healthy. Remember that holidays are meant to bring joy, not a virus home to your loved ones.

SM