Mamae, I'm brown and you are yellow - said my toddler.

Hello everyone,

A few days ago, my almost three year old looked at me. She was just staring at my face. I looked back and asked her:"What color are you?" She immediately said: "I'm brown." I smiled and asked her: "What color is mamae?" She immediately said: "Mamae is yellow." And there, our first conversation about race and adoption began.

The conversation ended after that as she went about and continued coloring. But, it is the beginning of many conversations about both race and adoption. I will say that she will look at families that are all the same color and then look at ours. I am no fool as I can almost hear all the thoughts going through her toddler mind. 

Am I scared? Not at all. I have already started to educate myself and have learned quite a lot. What stood out the most to me is that some parents choose to be color blind. That shocked me tremendously. It is very clear, just by looking at our children, that they were all adopted...even our son that is Caucasian. How could I pretend to be color blind? That would be so confusing for them.

Speaking about race and adoption can be a bit daunting, but thanks to the Internet, there are so many wonderful resources. We have also purchased so manny books to help us navigate a variety of topics. Yes, it can be a bit overwhelming, but with the proper tools and some kindness, we will overcome all obstacles. 

It was actually nice to see that she was already understanding that we are a family, despite all our differences. It has also been interesting to see how she is starting to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I always have spoken about her birthmom to her. She has yet to comprehend that, but when she will, we will be ready - same with the other two.

You can't protect your kids from the world. You can and should provide them with the proper tools to equip themselves to face the world and all it can challenge us with. That is what we are trying to teach them, even at a young age.

Often, when we are out, our daughter will look at an African-American family and then look at me and say: Mamae! with a big smile. She knows that I am her mother, but I truly believe that she is already sensing that there is more to what she sees. 

When you adopt, the topic of adoption does not stop once the baby comes home. In fact, that is when it actually starts. It is then that you, as the adoptive parent, must come to a decision: Do I pretend nothing has changed or do I see things as they are and prepare myself as best I can? We chose to prepare ourselves. I recommend you do the same.

Here are a couple of websites I recommend you visit:

https://www.adoptivefamilies.com

https://www.americanadoptions.com

Start with these two - although, there are a ton more out there - and just start exploring. Search on the website of your local parish or archdiocese or any other local adoption agency. Visit your local library and get reading. There is no excuse - you can get educated and gain confidence in yourself.

I actually look forward to all the conversations - pleasant or not - with our children. The most important thing to do is be honest and remember that it's okay to not have all the answers. Be not only an advocate for your children, but also their birthparents.

Until my next post, keep safe and do your part in stopping the spread of Covid-19.

SM