Fact and Fiction about Adoption - article from Adoptive Families (linked)

 

Hello everyone,

 

I hope this post finds you safe and healthy! Please wear your masks, practice social distance and wash your hands. Do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19.

 

At our first adoption class, we found out about “Adoptive Families”. As a disclaimer, this post is not sponsored by “Adoptive Families”. They have no idea I am writing about them – I just want to share a great online resource about adoption.

 

“Adoptive Families” is an online magazine (https://www.adoptivefamilies.com). A yearly subscription is $20 per year. Being subscribed allows you to get access to articles, resources, books and helpful tools regarding adoption.

 

The resources found on this website prepare you from the moment you start thinking about adoption up until you adopt. It has proved to be an excellent tool for me and I enjoy all of its perks. If I have a particular question I can’t answer or want to know about some books to purchase, I go on their website and I get what I need. It also helps to learn from others who have adopted and are having the same struggles. It has also been a source of inspiration for my blog and writing.

 

For this reason, I am using one of their articles: “The Top Ten Myths About Adoption”

(https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/how-to-adopt/myths-about-adoption/) as inspiration for today’s post. Instead of addressing all ten myths, I chose to address five of them. Therefore, I encourage you to check out their website, share it with your family and friends and consider subscribing.

 

Five Myths

 

1) Adoption takes a long time (unless you are a celebrity)

I can’t speak for all countries, because I adopted in the USA. As such, if you are considering adopting in the USA, know that you can have a baby within six months to two years. This includes the time to prepare all the documents together with your home study. Yes, it is that fast!

However, I do know that in Canada, for example, the waiting list to adopt is, at least, 8 years or more – regardless if you are a celebrity or not. Although I did not adopt in Canada, I have a few friends who are currently in the system and I have learned a great deal on adopting in Canada.

Being a celebrity has absolutely nothing to do with how long or how short it will take to adopt. In our case, we were blessed to adopt three children, all newborns, within twenty-six months. And trust me, we are no celebrities!! Therefore, don’t be discouraged because depending on where you wish to adopt, the waiting lists may not be as long as you may think. Another thing, when you really wish to be a parent, you will wait. We waited five years and it was truly worth it!

I must caution that international adoptions, because of compliances and different rules and regulations, can take longer. You are not only having to comply with your country but also with the country you wish to adopt from. That is why it is important when you discuss adoption to understand the difference between a domestic an international adoption.

As for the celebrity status - they had to go through the same process. You see, you only hear about them adopting once they already have their child – the story never mentions how long it took them – keep that in mind!

 

2) Adoption costs so much money!!

Okay, let’s get real. Yes, it does cost money. However, the money is not to purchase a child – like most people think. The money is going towards lawyer and court fees, legal documents, the home study and everything that is required to approve you as a potential adoptive parent.

Would you ask a couple that has biologic children how much their children cost them? No, of course not! The same goes for me, don’t ask how much my children cost, because they are priceless!! What I paid for were services rendered by all the wonderful people that helped us be matched with wonderful birthmoms and made us parents!

 

3) You have to be “perfect” to be chosen

I have no idea where this came from, but let me reassure you: you do not need to be perfect! If you are worried about your age, job, race, marital status, sexual orientation, financial or living situation, or anything else, know that you are worrying for no reason at all!

What a birthmom looks for is someone they know and feel will love and nurture their child. They may like you because you love to travel or you remind them of a family member or you have a dog and they could never have one. We were and are not perfect – in fact, each time we were picked, we asked: “Why us”? The most important thing is to be yourself and not whom you think they want you to be.

 

4) Adopted children were “removed” or “stolen” from their birth parents

In the USA, there are very strict laws against child and sex trafficking. It was one of the reasons why it took us a few years, as Canadians, to adopt in the USA. We first needed to become legal residents of the country. There are also laws that protect birthmoms to prevent her from having been coerced or tricked into placing her child with a family.

With each of our adoptions, there was no money exchange or any promises made – except that we would love and cherish this child as our own – to the birthmoms.

Now, as to what happens in other countries, I can’t comment on what I don’t know for a fact. I do know that an adoption agency that is legit will guide you and help you to have a legal and ethical adoption. So, if you are adopting internationally, do your homework to ensure that your adoption is done in a legal and honest manner.

 

5) Birthmoms are all unstable, on drugs and teenagers

Oh goodness – I have been told many times that my children were lucky that I “saved” them from their birthmoms. Each time, I cringed and had to control myself not to explode in rage at their wild assumptions. It surprised me that, on average, most birthmoms are women in their early to mid-twenties. Most are working or pursuing a degree. Yes, there are some that have chosen a more challenging life path, but that changes nothing.

What really matters is that these women chose life for their babies and did the most loving, selfless and brave thing: they gave their child a better future. They didn’t stop loving them or abandoned them. They took the time to reflect and look at many profiles before choosing the right parents for their child. Regardless of their life choices, I am thankful and so grateful to the birthmoms that chose us to raise the child they carried for nine months. Those women will forever be a part of our family because without them, I would have never been a mom.

 

There are many others misconceptions, but I chose to focus my post on what I could personally attest to. I encourage you to checkout the full article that I have linked below.

 

What are misconceptions you have heard or want me to clarify? Please share and let’s build our community!

 

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy. Remember to do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19.

SM