You have reached the "Infertility Lady" - how can I help you?

Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are keeping safe and healthy! 

When I was teaching NFP (Natural Family Planning), I was told: "You being infertile is a real gift to your patients." Huh - I was not sure how to take that. I guess I was happy??!! and sad at the same time... I was happy because it would allow me to connect with those facing infertility. It was also sad because I was having a hard time being labelled as - the "Infertility Lady"... 

Let me tell you - anyone adopting, having trouble conceiving or experiencing infertility - I am the person they get referred to. And it's great, but at the same time - let's face it, infertility is NOT a fun topic and it is NEVER fun learning that someone you care about is also going through such a difficult journey. There is, generally, not much happiness when I am contacted about that.

Currently, I have a few friends that are experiencing challenges with fertility and adoption issues. It has been a learning experience for me, because I have had to learn to just listen. There is nothing worse than sharing your story and the other person is just wanting to give you advice or interject their opinion. So, it has been challenging to just listen and just be there for them - as best as I can. I wanted to be heard back then and now, I have to let them be heard too.

Sometimes, I feel an enormous amount of pressure because I fear saying the wrong thing or just being able to listen fully. They are already facing a trying time - they don't need more aggravation from me. On the other hand, I am okay with just listening, but up to a certain point. There does come a point where I need to push them through the grieving process - because it is far too easy to get stuck in it - or not being angry all the time. That is the tricky part - because it is not always well received. But, I remind them that during my own therapy, my therapist told me: "So, when do you plan on moving on? Because you can't be angry all the time!" Eventually, one needs to just move on and go onto the next step.

And that is the hardest for me. How and when to push... because I care for each of these people who have honored me with such information. Yet, I need them to move on and push through that anger and sadness.

Sometimes, it gets them to that next step. Other times, it gets rejected and they just stop wanting to talk. And that is part of the journey. Trust me, there were times in the year when I would completely shut down and others when, I just wanted to conquer it! Each person deals with this journey on their own terms - but sometimes, we need a little push.

In my case, it was a close friend who was totally honest with us and she spoke her mind. After that, we scheduled with our surgeon and that was that! But, I needed to hear it from someone else because they were sad that nothing was happening for us. For her, I am grateful! It was not easy to hear but it made me realize that I was ready to do it but was afraid.

Fear prevents joy and that is even truer when we are facing any sort of challenge. In my case, it was the fear of getting a final answer. It was the fear of being told - it won't ever happen. And when I did get that answer - I never felt freer! Finally, I had broken through the chain of infertility and passed through the darkness. 

Do I like the gift that God gave me? being the infertile one? Not all the time, but God gave it to me because He knew I could use it well. I fail many times, but am working hard to serve Him through it all.

It has created friendships that I never thought would take place. It has led me to be a better listener and be more empathetic to the silent pain of infertility. Sharing my story and mission has become more of a passion. Too many women face it alone - I did. For that reason, I don't want to see someone go through it alone - because it SUCKS!

I have embraced it more and more that I have become that reference point for so many women around me. I have cried and laughed and gotten angry with them. I keep them in constant prayer and each month, I feel their sadness when it is yet another nothing cycle. They have thought me to be quiet and to just be with them. They have shown me great strength and how to deal with human emotions. I am grateful for them just sad that it is because of infertility.

Do you have a gift that you have been entrusted with that you never thought would be useful? If so, how do you use it? Please share and let's build our community!

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy!

SM