What you thought being a mom would be like...and then reality hit!

 Hello everyone,

I hope that when you read this post, you are safe and healthy. If you happen to be getting over Covid-19, I pray that you were on the lighter side of the symptoms. If you are hospital hero - we cannot and will never be able to thank you enough for all the hard work you are doing.

I wanted to touch base on something that happened to me when I became a mom. Pictures and ideas of how it would be flooded my mind. Baking, crafting, shopping, having elaborate tea parties and all these fun-filled activities were things I thought would fill my days. I just could not wait to be a mom!

When we had our daughter, we were very excited and a bit scared. All of a sudden, you have this tiny human looking back at you and they depend on you for absolutely everything. They can't feed, change or clothe themselves. Everything is on you and when they need it, you better provide it or else, the tears and screams will fill your house - or wherever you are!

People often told me that it would be hard to adjust from a life without a child to then having a child. I was expecting to be tired and run down...but, that is not quite what happened. Yes, newborns are more needy because their feeding schedules differ so much. They can, at times, give you a four hour stretch and you get to sleep - those times are AMAZING!! Other times, they seem to be getting up every three hours and one hour alone is comprised of feeding them, burping them and changing them. By the time you hit the pillow, they are up again! So, yeah, newborns are tough.

After the newborn stage, she was a very chilled out baby. She would eat and sleep and repeat every three to fours hours. When she turned two months old, we sleep-trained her and she was sleeping through the night by the time she turned three months. So, I can't say that it was hard time. People were shocked at how alert I was. Someone even had the nerve to be upset because they were expecting us to look disheveled and exhausted... 😳

Although it was easy, my fantasy scenarios never took place. They still haven't. Thing is, babies stay babies for a couple of years. Our daughter is, at two and a half, beginning to take walks with me while holding my hand. She just started, while strapped to her high chair, help out with cooking. Crafts...yeah, her attention span is so short that I need to continuously change up what we are doing. If I even dare insist on a certain activity, I can guarantee that things will fly across the room.

But, she was still very chilled and she remained that way ... until we had our second child. Then, it felt like my precious little girl turned into an evil monster who was punishing me for removing her from her throne of being an only child. It got very tough...and I mean, very tough. Summer of 2019 was not summer for me. I was on survival mode constantly. In the first dew weeks after we brought our son home, I was not be able to shower, I stayed in my pajamas all day and was miserable. My daughter was crying, my son was crying - darn it, I ended-up joining in. I even called my husband to come home a few times because I was losing it. During the night, although everyone was sleeping, I felt their screams ringing in my head.

Eventually, we got help and things eased up a bit. I know that many judge moms who hire nannies, but I knew I was not being a good mom. I was tired, irritated and started to yell at the kids. That is not the mom I wanted to be. Reality hit and it hit hard. My children were not the problem...I was!

I had to take a step back and refocus. I had to accept certain facts. I had a toddler and an infant. Their attention span is short. They are not able to express themselves verbally and emotionally. All they want is to play - even if it means playing with an empty box of diapers. That is all they want! And if they have a bad day, I need to go along with it - because if I have bad days, so will they.

Letting go of my ideal made me a more relaxed mom. Don't worry, I still discipline them, but I no longer freak out because the project I had in mind ended-up not working. Taking walks can be more challenging, but I let our daughter show me how to live in the moment. I had to learn how to be a child again and think like them. Kids don't want organization, they want laughter and me making funny sounds and being a goofball. 

Yesterday, I took all three children, on my own, for a walk. It started out fine and then...it happened. Our toddler started kicking the other, she would kick him on the head with her shoes...screaming from both ...constantly having to stop to remove her feet from his head...all while holding the little one in the baby carrier. Yet, I chose to take them outside because, for a while, we did have fun. We smelled flowers and saw dogs, waved at neighbors and then, we came home and that was that. Was I tired? YES. Was I hot - because it's really hot in the Midwest? YES. Will I do it again? OF COURSE!!! Some outings are better than others and when they get a little out of control...I just turn around and go home. Because kids are kids.

Wanting to control their every move will turn them fearful of you. I used to be like that with my mom. I always had to sit still, not speak unless I was spoken to, could not play with other children...just had to sit there and look cute. I don't want that for my kids. I do want them to be respectful of others and their property, but I let them play and get dirty. I let them explore when we are outside. I let them run in the fields in our community and laugh when our two older ones are fighting over who has the biggest stick.

So, things are not as I expected. So what? I am learning so much from them and I am enjoying them as much as I can. They will be small for a short period of time. Then, they will venture out into this world and will no longer be my babies. Until then, I am enjoying watching the same show and singing the same songs over and over again. I am enjoying playing with chalk and legos and kissing our daughter's dolls each night during her night time routine. I love my kids and am happy regaining my child like innocence with them.

Are you struggling with the realities of being a mom? Whether they are small or older, the challenges are there. If you need help, there are many resources available - books, podcast, doctors, therapists... Get the help you need. If you have a story to share, please do and let's build our community.

Until my next post, please keep safe and healthy. Remember to wear your face mask, wash your hands and not touch your face...and social distance. Do your part to help stop the spread of Covid-19.

SM